Advent in Review- Go Tell It- Lee McDerment

Jesus is the true and better Jonah

I saved this one for last... Jesus is the true and better Jonah.  Let's review Jonah for a second, refused to go where God was sending him.  He whined about it, telling God he didn't want to be persecuted.   Instead, he went the other way.  He got in a boat and traveled away from God's destination for him.  While he was in a boat, he fell asleep and a storm came.  Jonah feared the storm.  

Jesus stayed the course of God's plan.  He got into a boat and headed for his destiny- ultimately, the Cross.  Jesus didn't fear the suffering he knew was coming.  Jesus, like Jonah, fell asleep in the boat.  When the storm came, he didn't fear the storm.  He stood up and told it to "be still."  

"We needed someone who was willing to run into the storm.  We needed someone who wouldn't flee from persecution and death.  Jesus ran into the heart of the darkness so we wouldn't have to." - She Reads Truth

 So what's my take away?  What have I learned during this Advent season and in looking back at 2015... This song...

Go tell it on the mountain

over the hills and everywhere

go tell it on the mountain

Tell them He loves them, tell them the truth.  

Tell them he died upon the cross for me and you

tell them your story how he made you new 

isn't he the best thing that happened to you.

He saved your life

he saved your life

he came through right in the nick of time

He saved your life he saved your life

He is  the best thing that's happened to you

Go tell it on the mountain

that Jesus Christ is Lord.  

It is my prayer that as we peek into 2016, I will remember the truth that Jesus is the True and Better... everything.  From Old Testament giants of our faith, to pop culture movies and music... Jesus is True and Better.  Like Jonah, God is calling each of us to impact the world, no matter how small our influence, to the gospel... 

The good news... 

Jesus is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Advent in Review- Downhere-How Many Kings-lyrics video

Jesus is the King

Jesus as King has always fascinated me.  

I don't think I would have been able to make the journey from Heaven to earth under any circumstance. But Jesus did.  I cannot comprehend how anyone could leave perfection to be born into an imperfect world.  He was born in a stinky stable- dirty animals, probably dirty water, no one to celebrate his birth other than lowly shepherds.  He came into this world quietly.  But the people didn't recognize him.  They thought the Son of God would come in and rescue him.  He would ride in on a white horse, with trumpets playing... yet when he came- no one recognized him.  Even at his death, and resurrection, people didn't recognize him nor the sacrifice he made for them.  

Advent in Review- By His Wounds

Jesus is the true and better Jacob

Jacob and Jesus both wrestled with God.  When Jacob wrestled with God he demanded a blessing from God.  During his wrestle with God, God changed his name to Israel, of course which would later yield God's chosen people.  Jacob was wounded during this encounter with God.  He had a limp from his hip, no doubt to remind him of God's strength.  

Jesus wrestled with God in the garden.  He didn't demand a blessing like Jacob.  In fact he did the opposite, He asked God if the cup he was about to drink could be passed from him. But he wrapped his request with, "not my will but thine be done."  

This reminds me that the trials and tribulations that I go through in life are times when God calls me to "wrestle" with Him.  They are painful, they are not fun but when I look back, I see those times as the moments when God intends to sanctify me and make me more like him.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our sins; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.  Isaiah 53:5

Advent in Review- His Name Is Wonderful

For unto us a child is born

to us a son is given.

and the government shall be on his shoulders

and he will be called

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the greatness of his government and peace

there shall be no end.

He will reign on David's Throne

and over his kingdom

establishing and upholding it

with justice and righteousness

from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the Lord Almighty

will accomplish this.

-  Isaiah 9:6-7 NIV

This is a familiar song from my childhood.  I would consider it one of the first praise chorus' that were sung in my church.  As soon as I began reading the names Isaiah gave for the Promised on, I began humming this song.  

Advent in Review- Selah - How Deep The Father's Love For Us [with lyrics]

Jesus is the true and better Isaac

Like I said in my last post, I want to record a few thoughts I have had over this advent season.  It is always amazing how God can speak to us through day to day living, journaling, Bible Study and music.  I am in awe of Him and how he can bring little reminders of his goodness into each day.  

During She Reads Truth Advent, we looked at Jesus as the true and better Issac.  Abraham was asked by God to offer his son, Issac as a sacrifice to him.  Issac was a promised child to Abraham and Sarah...you know the "Miracle child."  Abraham trusted God with a bling faith that was demonstrated on Mount Moriah.  

Then Issac spoke to his father Abraham and said, "My father."  and he replied, "Here I am, my son."  Issac said, "The fire and wood are here, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"  Abraham answered, "God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son."  Then the two of them set out together.  - Genesis 22

I can't imagine the pain and agony as Abraham climbed that mountain.  He knew what God expected of him and he trusted God but that doesn't take away the heart ache. That didn't make answering questions posed by Issac any easier.  Yet, Abraham chose to follow God.   

Jesus was a better sacrifice.  God offered his prized posession, his own Son. But God knew there was no hidden ram for Jesus.  God knew he was going to have to watch his son die a bloody, gruesome death.   The sacrifice of Jesus was perfect.  He was the perfect lamb, without fault, without blemish, with any sin.  He was PERFECT.  Yet, God willingly sent Jesus to earth knowing how hard his life would be.  He did this because of his great love for us.  For me.  

Behold the Father's love for us, so vast beyond all measure, that he who sent his son to die, would make this wretch his treasure.  

Chris Tomlin - Noel (Live) ft. Lauren Daigle

Advent is a time when we prepare our hearts.  This time of year, we pause to prepare our hearts for the birth of Christ.  I've spent this Advent season reading She Reads Truth with a group of ladies from our church.  I'm not sure I've ever participated in an Advent Bible Study and this one has been great.  During the study, I was challenged to see God preparing a way for Jesus in the Old Testament. 

The themes, 

"Jesus is the true and Better Abel, 

Jesus is the true and better David, 

Jesus is the true and better Esther, 

Jesus is the true and better Boaz, 

Jesus is the true and better Passover Lamb"

were a blessing and a challenge.  Some days it was easy to see how Jesus was a direct correlation to these Old Testament "giants of our faith."  Yet sometimes it was tough to see how Jesus was true and better.  On those days I was thankful to have a commentary or friends willing to talk through this with me.

Of course, anytime I begin a new study, songs seem to pop off the pages and into my heart.  I thought I would take the next few minutes and blog about different songs that stood out to me as I read this Advent season beginning with this song.  It is a song of celebration.  A celebration of the true meaning of Christmas.  It beckons us to "come and see what God has done."  It reminds us of a perfect person willingly coming to an imperfect world because of his great love for us.  Jesus knew what coming to earth meant... he knew it meant beginning as a helpless baby, growing up under rules, suffering, shame and death.  He knew it meant that through him we would have access to the Father and live with him forever more.  His gift of life and death gives us the gift of adoption and joint heirs. Eternal life with our Savior.  

I've spent almost two years waiting.  Waiting for peace, longing for companionship, and missing "what should have been."  This year is no different.  The grieving process comes and goes but this year I choose to listen to the story of amazing love.    

I Believe - Holly Starr - Lyrics

A friend gave me a card at church this morning.  It was a pleasant surprise.  When I got home, I read it over and over again.  This is what it read:

You have been on my heart the past couple of weeks and I just wanted to take a moment to not only let you know that, but to keep reminding you of what you know is true but may be fighting to believe at times.

Wow.  That hit the nail on its head.  Often in life, I get bogged down in details... so bogged down that I can bend to despair.  For the past couple of weeks, I have camped out in that desert place.  I know all the right things:

• God is good
• His plan is good
• He will never leave me.
• He will provide
• He will sustain

I know all of these things but my human self is unable to believe them.  I find myself feeling all the opposites of these things that God promises to be.  I had never thought about it being a "fight".  But in the moment I read that card, I understood I have a literal fight going on within me.  Its not fun, and its not pretty but that is what it is: a struggle to lean on my own understanding or to let go and let God.  My sweet friend reminded me on Psalm 34 and its promises.

 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cries.  Psalm 34:15

The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:17-17 

So tonight, as I sit in solitude, once again trying to figure out the un-settled-ness of my heart, I will cling to these promises.  

How could I forget?

At least a thousand times

You’ve shown through

And pierced the night

I will not despair

When I don’t understand

You love me through every circumstance

And I will not fear

You’ll find me here

I will wait for you

I don't have to have it all figured out.  God has the plan and he is willing to do the fighting for me. just as he was willing to fight the battles of the Old Testament.  He goes to battle for me because he loves me, far more than anyone else could ever love me.  

 

 

Restless-Audrey Assad

Some ladies at our church declared this month "Just say No-vember" much like the men do during "No-shave-vember."  Our thought was to say, "no" to anything that would make us too busy to enjoy spending time with God during this time of year.  Autumn is a special time for us to begin to prepare our hearts for the coming of Christ.  It is full of family gatherings, school concerts and special activities in our community, all of which are good things.  But in the hustle and bustle of the next two months, it easy to say, "yes" to everything rather than focusing on one or two things to really focus on.

So how do you decide where to say, "yes" and where the answer should be, "no"?  

I like this quote:

  

It makes me think that God isn't so concerned about what I say "yes" or "no" to but rather how my soul feels when I am asked.  I have lived a life of overwhelmed schedules and definitely felt the pain that causes not only in my own heart but also in the lives of those around me.  But I've also been an empty schedule that caused the same feelings of emptiness.  

So my plan for the next month or two is to ask a simple question.  "Is this request something that only I can do?"  Can someone else do this and get the same or better result.  For example, most people can keep kids for a mom to grab coffee with another mom.  But there are some children that can only be left with certain caregivers.  If I am one of those few caregivers, then I will be more inclined to say, "yes."  My other question is, "If my daughter is my top priority, how does saying yes or no effect her?"  There are times when she needs me- to transport her to an activity, to be available to talk, to make sure she has eaten healthy food.  Granted, she is 16 and has a life of her own, but as a mother it is my role to balance my activities with her needs.  

This song, I think depicts how I process life this season.  Whether I am busy or not, it is my heart's motive that matters.  If my life is so busy that I fail to see Jesus in the comings and goings, then I need to say "no.".  If my life is so still that I am not reaching others for the gospel, then maybe I have said, "no" too much and need to say, "yes" more.

Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
And I am restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh God
Let me rest in You.

Fall Like the Rain - Citizen Way - with lyrics

How do you deal with disaster?

How do you cope with the pain?

It’s hard to move on with regret

Like an anchor makes you feel like you’re the one to blame

(Verse)

Why is healing so painful?

It feels like I’m losing this war

But I know You’ll be there

As we walk through the struggle

Because You’ve always been there before

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

(Verse)

Though the joy of tomorrow

Seems lost in the pain of today

There is no death, fear or sorrow

That Your love can’t erase

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

(Bridge)

I fall on the grace You have given to us

Rising as conqueror of the grace

Remember forever when we say goodbye

Oh, in Jesus love

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

When you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

When you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

I’m gonna fall like the rain, so you can rise like the sun

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/citizen-way/fall-like-the-rain-lyrics/#SfPQHhofr7XZG5RL.99

You Make Me Brave - Lyrics - Bethel Music

I recently was given a book entitled, "Let's all be Brave. Living Life with everything you have." its written by Annie F Downs.  If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it.  Its written in a "coffee shop" style blog of Annie's experience with life.  She talks about courage, bravery and putting one foot in front of the other.  It sounds simple but oh how complex it really is.

She starts by telling us that there is that "one thing" that God is calling you to do.  She emphasizes that we already know what this "thing" is but we are hesitant to take the next step.  I immediately knew what my "one thing" is.  I have only spoken it to one friend because it is totally out of my comfort zone.  As I continued to read Annie's book, I realized that my "one thing" is something that God has placed in my life journey even now.  Tonight, God brought me one step closer to my "one thing."  He is calling me to be brave in little ways now so that when the big things come, I won't be so overwhelmed.

This song reminds me of that bravery.  He has given me a desire in my heart and He will equip me each step of the way.  I won't know the complete journey at the beginning because lets face it, I would tuck my tail and run the other way.  (Remember Jonah???)  But the baby steps are much easier to follow.

I had dinner with a group of friends tonight.  My new "young mommy friends" as I call them.  They are young moms who need a break.  Some of us "veteran moms" decided to set aside one night each month for a dinner club.  We meet the second Monday of each month at a little coffee and sandwich shop.  Ladies are invited and we always have a different crowd.  As I looked around the table tonight it struck me that this is a step towards my "one thing" that God is calling me to be brave in.  You see: Two years ago I would have said "no" to dinner with friends.  I would have been the queen of excuses.  One year ago, I was so broken I couldn't see outside my little world.  I clung to safe people for dear life.  Now I am a part of gathering women together to share a meal.  Share a meal... yes, thats all we do.  We share a meal and share our lives with each other.

That is my step... being brave and courageous.  Taking one step at a time.  Where my "one thing" will take me is far beyond my comprehension but it is there.  Step by step, day by day until one day I will find myself in the middle of my "one thing."

Big Daddy Weave - "My Story" (Official Music Video)

We all have our own stories.  

We are all a part of each other's stories.  

Our day to day, 

moment by moment lives, 

make up one story.  

Yesterday I was a part of a focus group in which we learned how to share our stories with others.  My palms started to itch as I listened to the "how tos"  and my heart raced as new friend began to share his story.  As I listened I could hear how God had worked in his life.  I could hear how God is continuing to work in his life.  I could hear his pain, see the struggle in his face and even see the hope in his body language as he shared God's redemptive story.

I have shared my testimony in years past.  It is easy to share the "before I was saved" version of your story. It is pretty surface stuff. (because who would put their "real self" out there for the world to see?!?!)  It is usually tied up with a pretty bow of "after Jesus came into my heart, life has been smooth."

But what about the ugly parts? the sin? the jealousy? 

the pain of broken relationships? addictions? 

What about those nights when you feel so dark and deep that you wonder if morning will come?  

Do people really want to hear that stuff?  (Do I really want to air that dirty laundry?!?!)

I think people go either way when sharing... super spiritual with extra pink fluff or dark and gloomy despair.  As I began to think about my own story, I realized that most people have a life filled with both fluff and despair.  But its how the Savior moves in those places... thats what makes a story.

Sharing my life story is scary.  The past two years have forever altered "who I thought I was."  But in preparing to write my own story to share, I realize that His story hasn't been altered.  He knew from before time began what my role would be in His story.   Wow.

We will see how it feels to write out my story and then we will see if I am brave enough to actually share my story with others.

Chris Tomlin - Waterfall (Love Ran Red Acoustic Sessions)

Thirst.  I cannot say that I have ever truly experienced thirst.  I've been thirsty after an afternoon of yard work.  I've been thirsty as a result of eating too much salt the day before.  But true thirst... No I have never been truly thirsty.  I'm on a new health kick... trying to drink the amount of water I need each day. Want to know something???  I recognize my thirst more, now that I am drinking water regularly, than I did when I was only drinking water a couple of times a day.

I've noticed this happening in my spiritual life as well.  I'm not sure I recognized how "thirsty" I was until I had tasted His goodness.  When life is going by day by day, I don't notice my thirst.  I am content with the drops of water I gather here and there... a quick devotional, a sermon online, a face book post,  But after I've had a special encounter with God, where He called me to spend time with Him and showed me something new from His word... Then I realize how parched I have been.

Jesus says in John 7:37 , "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink." That is an open invitation for us to come.  All he asks is that we recognize our thirst or our need for Him.  Pretty simple huh? Then why do I wait so long to go to Him?  Why do I let life make me weary or frail before I run to him?

I'm reminded of the story in the Old Testament in Exodus 17 where the Israelites are complaining... as usual.  They are questioning Moses as to why God has led them into the wilderness to let them starve and thirst to death.  They have forgotten all of the wonderful things God has done just a few days before... leading them out of captivity saving them from Pharaoh's army by parting the Red Sea and so much more.  In my own paraphrase, they are tired, grumpy, hungry and thirsty... not to mention unsure about the future.  Moses goes to  God on their behalf and God sets the stage.

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Pass before the people and take with you some of the elders of Israel; and take in your hand your staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. "Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water will come out of it, that the people may drink." And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel. - Exodus 17:5-6

From that moment in time, God declared that only in Him could our thirst be quenched.  This miracle is re told many times throughout the scriptures to remind God's chosen people of how God provided for them.  I am so thankful that God chooses to use "my thirst" as a reminder of my role in His greater story.

He split the rocks in the wilderness And gave them abundant drink like the ocean depths. He brought forth streams also from the rock And caused waters to run down like rivers.  Psalms 78:15-16

God caused the water to run down the rocks like rivers... 

Is any image more breathtaking?  

Oh God, my God I seek You

In this dry and desert land

You lead me to streams of mercy

Once again

You're an ocean to my soul

To my soul

Sara Groves - It's Going To Be Alright

Well, loneliness has set in again.  It hit me as I was driving today.  A feeling of not belonging.  No matter how much I fight it, I wonder why this journey has led me once again to a "single" life.  I want a tangible, breathing person to share life with.  I want someone to love me like Christ loved the church.  I want someone who can lead me and whom I can trust to lead me.  I am tired of making all the decisions.  I am tired of being alone on a  Saturday night.  Tonight I can't "Fake it til you Make it."

This cycle of grief stinks.  I can go about life like a "normal" person when something blindsides me and I am deep in grief.  Tonight I grieve for what "should have been."  I know I am not to blame for my situation.  I know God has a purpose for me in this journey.  I can see His footsteps in every step of the last 19 months.  But still I grieve.

Lord, I pray I can take my eyes off of myself and look to you.  I pray you will remind me of who I am in you, of your great love for me, and that you are never changing.  You will restore my heart and brokenness.  Help me to accept the days ahead and to fill them with meaning and purpose to which you will guide me.

  

Show Me - Audrey Assad (lyrics onscreen)

There was a "pause" in life last week.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about... a pause in the grief cycle... a time when you feel like you're on the right track and are focused on the present and future will little regard to the past.  And then, all of a sudden, something reminds you of the past, of what you've been through.  It could be a scent, a song, really anything that brings you back to that place... sadness, darkness, uncertainty.

My pause came last Wednesday afternoon.  Someone delivered some items that had been taken from me at the beginning of my grief.  They were things I had never anticipated getting back and honestly, I was living fine without them.  But there they were, items in a brown cardboard box.  Literally just things... pretty insignificant to the outside world, but OH so real to my heart.

I have to be honest, it caused me to step back into the past.  I felt sad, distraught, alone.  I tried to pick myself up but for some reason, I stayed stuck in that place.  Luckily I knew what I needed to do.  I reached out.  I called my mom, texted friends and then spent lots of time with God. I allowed myself time to be depressed and sad.  I didn't fight it.  I knew fighting it wouldn't work.  But I also knew I didn't need to stay stuck in that dark place.

On Thursday, I went and saw a couple who have dealt with similar grief and together we talked it out.  I cried, they prayed and we "fellowshipped" over mixed nuts and water.  (Funny, what you remember about life.)  As I was leaving, they lovingly encouraged me to let them help me sort through the brown box.  We opened the trunk and I began to sort through the things I knew I didn't need or want.  It took less than 5 minutes to get from a brown box to a small ziplock bag full of memories.

In that 5 minutes, God restored my heart.  He reassured me that He had brought me thus far.  He put people in my life that I couldn't say "no" to because He knew I needed to let it go.  God took that brokenness and renewed my spirit by reminding me of the new creation I am in Him.  

Let me go like a life upon the water

let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

and I will disappear into a deeper beauty.

But for now, just stay with me.

Oh God, just stay with me.  

David Crowder*Band - How He Loves (Official Music Video)

Jealousy...  

We all feel it.  I feel several times each day.  

I see people in loving relationships and I begin to desire a relationship of my own.  

I see people with adjusted teenagers and I long for my daughter to have that relationship with me.  

I see people buying new things, and you guessed it, I want the freedom to buy new things.  

I see people who speak of faith that moves mountains, and I worry about my little mole hills.  

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young spoke of jealousy this morning.  But not as you would think.  She spoke of God's jealousy of the idols we have.  Yes, in Exodus, God talks about us not worshiping idols but I often think of those idols as golden calves or Greek gods.  Days go by and I don't realize that I am worshiping idols in my own heart.  Most days, I don't realize the power of God's jealousy.  

Current idols are more subtle than ancient ones, because today's false gods are often outside the field of religion.  People, possessions, status, and self aggrandizement are some of the most popular desires today.  Beware of bowing down before these things.  False gods never satisfy; instead, they stir up lust for more and more.  - Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above, or on the earth beneath on in the waters below.  You shall not bow to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.  Exodus 20:4-5

In the margin of my Bible, I have written that "quanna" means that God is jealous FOR something not jealous OF something.  God isn't jealous of the little idols that we worship.  Rather He is jealous FOR our attention- the focus, time and energy we put into those little idols.   It's definitely "food for thought" as I go into my Saturday.  How can I bask in God's goodness and not focus on my little idols?  How can I focus on Christ throughout this day rather than putting my attention on the little things of my world?

 

Todrick Hall sings Starbucks Follow @toddyrockstar on Instagram!!!

I love coffee.  

But more importantly, 

I love the "coffee shop experience."

 

I believe the picture above is my first memory of the coffee shop experience.  Weekly, Americans would watch a group of Friends navigate their lives in the midst of Central Perk.  The ups and downs of relationships, jobs, and families were only a cup of coffee away.  

Fast forward, more than 20 years later, I still love coffee.  I love the coffee shop experience.  A good coffee shop is quiet enough to read a book and intimate enough to have a personal conversation. We have a little shop in town that is owned by a family in our church.  I spend far too much time there.  (In fact, I am sitting at my favorite table right now.)  I began coming to the shop about 2  years ago.  The atmosphere is quite cozy.  You can sit and listen to music, talk with a friend, grab a book or plug into the wifi and blog...

One thing that Central Perk and my local coffee shop has in common is the relationships that are built inside its walls.  Today I came to the coffee shop to get away from the stress of home.  I planned to come in and plug in and tune out the world.  What I didn't expect was to run into friends.  Friends that I don't often connect with outside of church.  Friends, that when reconnected realize we are dealing with the same difficulties in our families.  Friends that pray together after 15 minutes because God is in their midst.

That, is the real coffee shop experience.   Here is another coffee shop experience that has made me laugh since I first saw it.  Enjoy!!!

Ben Cantelon - My Deliverer (Lyrics)

Someone reminded me to not sit in the dark for too long.  They meant that I shouldn't stay stuck in the area of my own sin, without remembering God's sovereignty in it all.  After God showing me the importance of recognizing my own sin, I didn't want to end the evening without finding the peace and rest that only He can bring.  Long story short, I am safe.  I am safe in His forgiveness.  His love will never fail me. God's got this.  He knows how the story will end.  He's known since Adam and Eve's sin, that we would struggle in relationships.  Adam and Eve's sin exposed their nakedness.  They had always been naked but after the fall of men, they realized it and covered their sin and shame.  Of course there were consequences of their sin, but God didn't leave them there doomed for the rest of their lives, nor did he leave us doomed for our future.  He is in control.

Even though I walk through the shadows

I will not fear

Mountains high and in every valley low

My God is near

My God is near

I am safe in the arms of the Father

I am safe in the arms of the Father

I am resting in Your embrace

I know Your love will never fail

Every step I know You are with me

I will not fear

In You I find a refuge in every storm

My God is near

My God is near

My deliverer, my deliverer

Your love will never fail

Sing it

My deliverer, my deliverer

Your love will never fail

Your love will never fail

I am resting in Your embrace

I know Your love will never fail

I love this picture.  My Father holds me like this.  I am safe in his arms.  Just like this child.  

We Will Run - Gungor

Many times, I find myself consumed by my own thoughts, my own sense of right and wrong and ultimately consumed by my need for control.  This past week-end, I was reminded of this fact, ever so graciously, by my 15 yr old daughter.  (If you're a mom, you know what I am feeling right now.)  In the middle of a very heated discussion, that lasted almost 2 days, she finally said, "You know, you can't control me."  Initially I wanted to scream, "Want to bet?"  But in my weary mind, I shut down the discussion.  I chose to walk away from this conflict that was getting us no where.

But as I went throughout the evening, I kept coming back to her thoughts, "I can't control her."  True, I cannot control her actions.  I cannot control her attitudes.  Then my Type A personality... aka... the prideful and arrogant me who thinks I can handle the world on my own, became frustrated....

"Well, why can't I control it?  I am the parent.  Why not?"

That's when a quiet voice reminded me, "I am in control of her.  You only need to worry about yourself."

So that is where I have been for the past 24 hours... sitting in a wading pool of reflection of my own sinfulness.  (Its a "great" place to be.)  I was reminded of a parable in Matthew about the speck of dust in a brothers eye verses the plank of wood in one's own eye.  I found a commentary that really summed up what I was feeling.

Ultimately, the sin in us is more serious to God than the sin in another which we criticize.  The sin of negative judgement, in God's eyes, is larger than the sin in the person we criticize.  It is easy to criticize if we have never comprehended how deadly a sin this is.  It eats away at us and breaks down not only our relationship with the people we criticized but also with God.  The point is that if we busy ourselves with the log in our own eye, we will have less time and inclination to criticize.  If our sour minds are sweetened by God's forgiveness, we will have less negativism about others.  

Those are powerful words to this mom that tries so hard to love her daughter but who fails daily because, honestly, this mom is scared to death of losing control.   But isn't that the point??? I don't have control.  I don't need control.  I have a more than capable Father who loves my daughter far more than the love I could muster up on my own.

So for tonight, the 2 hours I have left in my day, I hope to live in the forgiveness that only Christ can offer.  I hope that basking in that forgiveness will help me remember what matters most in my daughter's life... not the arguments that we wont remember in 10 years, but my hearts desire to show my daughter acceptance in the eyes of her Savior.

Create in me a clean heart

For I have turned my face from You

Save us from our ways, oh God, oh God

For we have turned away from You

Lord have mercy

We will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Your love and mercy build and shape us

Break and then recreate us now

Lord have mercy

We will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Oh, we will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Read more: Gungor - We Will Run Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Freedom Reigns by:Jason Upton From Live Ramp 2012

It's fireworks night... a day we celebrate our Freedom in our great land.  As I sit on my porch alone tonight, I can hear the fireworks all around me.  It got me thinking of that day, so many years ago, when men from all walks of life, decided that freedom from the tyranny of England was worth far more than their lives.  Can you hear it???  Can you feel it?  Those men left behind families, and friends for the sake of freedom.  Those families heard the gun shots in the distance and prayed that their loved ones would come home.  Many came home... many came home lost and broken in spirit.  Many lost their lives.  I can't even imagine that call for freedom.  Definitely a call from God to stand up and fight for freedom.

Fast forward 239 years later. People still desire freedom.  They fight for freedom of speech, freedom to love whom they choose, equal rights. But they also fight for freedom in other countries because we still believe that freedom is important.

As Christians we know that true freedom is found in Christ.  A life that is set apart is a life that is truly free.  Free from guilt.  Free from bias.  Freedom to love.  Freedom to worship.  Freedom to make the many everyday decisions that we make without acknowledging the freedom.

So tonight, as the fireworks are going off all around me, I remember those who sacrificed to help us gain independence.  I also remember a cross 2000 years ago that was carried on my behalf so I would have true freedom.

Where the Lord dwells, there is freedom.  Where the Holy Spirit leads, there is true freedom.  Hopefully this will encourage me to find something to be thankful for each day.  Knowing that I am free is truly a gift that I must share with others.  

Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli Lyric Video

Today is the last day of my "stay cation."  It has definitely been "just what the doctor ordered."  I have spent this week surrounded by friends- some that I have been "living life" with for the past 3 years and some friendships that are just beginning our journey together.  There has been a common thread in each encounter whether it was at the local coffee shop, favorite restaurant or in someone's home... relying on the Holy Spirit.

I came across this scripture this morning and it really touched my heart.  

 

I love it when friends point us back to God's character.  A character where He saves us... not because of anything we have done, but because of his great mercy.  The mercy that led to sacrifice.  But God didn't leave us alone... he sent the Holy Spirit to continue to lead, guide, prompt us in life.  

I'll be the first to admit that my default mode is to "be good, do good, and try to earn my way in life." It takes several failed attempts and a strong presence of the Holy Spirit before I remember that "it is finished." There is nothing I can add to or take away from my salvation.  

That my friend, is my take away from my "stay cation."  God has used this time to remind me of the rebirth and renewal of the Holy Spirit and has used the precious people in my life to point it all back to Christ.   So, as I go back to reality tomorrow by picking up Peanut from camp and then back to work on Monday, I pray that I will invite the Holy Spirit into each moment.  

Holy Spirit you are welcome here.

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.

Your glory, Lord is what our hearts long for.

To be overcome by your presence Lord.  

Bruno Mars - Count On Me (Official Video)

This is Day 2 of my "stay cation".  I worked really hard to make sure that this week would be a time of refreshment and relaxation.  I did all the laundry last week, cleaned the house and even bought groceries that require very few dishes.  My only plans for the week is to spend time at our local coffee shop and meeting with friends.  So today, I began time with friends.  I had 3 "appointments" where I got to spend a couple of hours with different women.  Its amazing to me how God puts people into our lives.  Being an introvert, I don't open up easily so God has a bit more of a challenge in getting me to spend time sharing with others.

Coffee this morning was with a friend who just makes you want to smile.  Her gentle spirit and kind heart  just makes the world seem a little sweeter.  I am not a "hugger" but her hugs make everything feel better.

I took a risk and invited a new friend to lunch.  She quickly answered that she could meet today.  I was nervous about "what" we would talk about and "how" we would get along.  As I drove home, I found myself shaking my head in disbelief that those questions had been a concern.  If the God of the universe put this person in my path, then He could surely fill up lunch time conversation.

The best part of this week is that I am with people I can be "authentic" with.  People who love me and accept my little world of chaos and who allow me into their worlds.  Worlds full of excitement, joy, and worlds of brokenness too... I get to be there.

This delights my soul.  I can be there for others.  The love that was demonstrated to me through tough times in my life, I can now offer to others.  I can share Christ's love because of HIS GREAT LOVE FOR US.  And that love, that joy, that friendship, that peace is so sweet.  

"Hesitate" - Judah & the Lion // Brite Session

Come as you are, bring me your heart my child.

I've waited so long for you to become all mine.

I won't give up till I have all your love.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.  

Come as you are, bring me your heart and find.

I'm all you need, I'm all that satisfies.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.  

Come away with me, come away and you'll see who you are.

Com away with me, come away and you'll see who you are.  

I found this song several weeks ago.  It came a time when life was an ebb and flow.  (You know the weeks, when you are simply going through the motions.)  I was worried about all the "demands" that I place on myself.  The demands to perform, to be the best parent, to work hard, to be good.    But one night, I felt God's calling.  I didn't know why I was feeling led to turn off the television and just "be."  That was just the beginning of a time of renewal.  I was gently reminded that God doesn't want my "goodness" because its a pitiful offering to Him.  

Rather He wants me...  

He wants to rely on him 

to meet my deepest desires

 rather than on myself who is "duty bound."  

      

So tonight as I fall asleep, 

I hope to wake up in the morning trusting that He is all I need.  

He is the only thing that can satisfy my deepest needs.  

                  

                         

and by realizing that He is the only one who can truly satisfy,
I am giving Him the glory.  That is a much better offering for him.  

Plumb - Exhale (lyrics)

Well, I am able to EXHALE.

It seems selfish but I have a break from parenting.  Peanut is at camp for 3 weeks.  I have needed this break for about a month.  I am able to spend time in fellowship with close friends.  I am able to sit at the coffee shop and write letters.  I am free to get up on my own time table, spend time with God and get started with my day. It seems weird to me that I feel limited to do those things when Peanut is at home.  There is constant tension, which I am learning is common in parenting any teenager.  But I am seeing my limitations through the daily battles... my need for control and her need for independence.

This is what I am trying to learn... God didn't call me to be the perfect parent.  He created me to be the "right" parent for Peanut.  I am the perfect fit for what she needs as long as I am relying on God's strength.  I don't have to be perfect.  I don't have to pretend to be perfect.  I can accept God's grace moment by moment.  I love this song.  

It's okay to not be okay.  

This is a safe place.

This is a safe place.  

Don't be afraid.

Don't be ashamed.  

There is hope here.

There is hope here.

Oh God, we breathe in your grace.

We breathe in your grace.

and exhale.  

I hope during this time of rest, I will engrave these words on my heart.  I pray that as Peanut comes home in a couple of weeks I will have meditated on God's grace and be more willing to offer it to her and even more kind with myself.  

Meant To Be by Steven Curtis Chapman with lyrics

Parenting stinks sometimes.... or most of the time these days.  But more and more I am learning to rest in my Heavenly Father and to leave him with the hard work.  Today is a day of celebration.

Today is Gotcha Day.  A day we celebrate Peanut's arrival at my house.  7 years ago today, I picked up a shy but chatty 8 year old at a shelter to live in my home.  What started out as temporary housing, turned into the creation of a family.

Peanut, I know I haven't shared this blog with you yet... I may never do so.  But you are loved.  All of you is loved.  You were created for a very, very, very special purpose. There is a role in the world that only you can fill.  I have NO idea what role that is but one day you will know how you are supposed to impact our world.
For now my prayer for you is that you find who you are and what you are so desperately looking for in your life.  It is hard to watch you try to fill your life with love by relying on the love of others.  I know the secret... true love, peace and contentment can only be found in our Heavenly Father.  I will be here as much as you will allow me to be.  I will love you through the hard times.  My love may be tough love but it will always be true love, like the love of our Father to us.  You will find the woman you are meant to be.  Keep searching Peanut.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  I know God will reveal himself to you.

This celebration day reminds me of the day Christ made Himself known to me.  The day I was adopted into His family.  The love, affection, peace and contentment I found when He called to me and welcomed me with open arms.  My life was forever changed.  I pray today I will remember the love the Father has freely given to me so that I can in turn love my daughter with only a fraction of that love.

 

Passion - Let It Be Jesus (Live) ft. Christy Nockels

Let it be Jesus

The first name that I call

Let it be Jesus

My song inside the storm

I'll never need another

This week, Jesus' name hasn't been the first thought in my mind nor has it been the first name I have called.  I have struggled with parenting this week. Whoever thought the 2's were terrible had yet to experience the 15's.  I strive so hard to provide my daughter with the life I think she deserves.  I struggle when she doesn't want the blessings of the life I think she deserves.  I want her to want this life more.  I want, I need, I desire, I struggle, I fight and then... I worry.  I get angry.  and even worse, I try to control and manipulate the situation.  This is how I have spent the past week of my life.  The tension is real.  From my constant headache to the tense muscles all down my back, it is a physical tension that I have never experienced.

I was sharing with some friends about our lives this week.  They gently reminded me that God is in control.  One of my favorite devotions this week was found in Heart of the Matter.  It is based on Psalm 26.  It says,

Park your mind on what is true (Phillipians 4:8).  Anxiety is full of lies.  What are some of them?  First, you believe the world needs to be under your control.  Second, you think it is out of control.  And third, you imagine that your worry will get it under control.  But the truth is that this is God's world.  He controls it, and your worry will not change a thing.  So when you are tempted to worry, reject the lie that it is up to you to keep yourself and those you love safe.  

If that isn't food for thought I don't know what is.  God is in control.  He sees the whole picture and I only see this moment's snapshot.  He knows the end of Peanuts story as well as the "in betweens."  I only see what is past and what is lived day by day.  So today, I want this song to be a reflection of my heart.  I want to call out to Jesus whenever I become weary with worry.  I want to demonstrate my love for my daughter by living as a beloved daughter of a far better parent... my Father in Heaven.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing with Lyrics Chris Rice

My time with the Lord brought me to a devotional I've shared before.  The book is called, "Heart of the Matter" and it is a collection of some well known authors sharing about life and struggles and how those struggles lead us closer to Christ.  Today's devotional came from Edward T Welch...

There is a certain paradox in trusting God.  When we trust him, we are saying that we are entirely inadequate, which is true though it doesn't do wonders for our self image.  BUT when we trust him, it is also as if we have arrived home.  All is well.  Yes there may be many problems, but we are HOME, and the comfort and the joy of home reduces the problems of life to the level of hassles.  As you turn back to the Lord, speak your confession to him.  Tell him that your heart is prone to wander, your tendencies toward erecting idols incorrigible.  A rule of thum in conffesion is to keep at it until you have inklings of hope or joy.  Confession is not a time to grovel.  It is a time to trust in the God who delights in forgiving because it brings him glory.  

The scripture passage came from Matthew, which is the parable of the Lost Sheep.  It is all too familiar but as I read and re-read it tonight, I felt something I had never experienced.

If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?  And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety nine that did not wander off.  In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost.  Matthew 18:12-14

Wow, he is happy when he finds the one who wanders off .  Lets face it, I can be a pitiful sheep.  I don't mean to wander off, but I do.  I have a knack for deviating from the path I know Christ would have me follow... most times it is in small ways but there have been times when I have been sooo far away and I have felt that there is no way God can find me... or even show concern for me.

Wandering... only one song came to mind.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God,

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

Oh, to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be,

Let that grace now like a fetter

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart, oh, take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Beauty from pain - superchick

I feel stuck in grief right now.

Life is all about ebb and flow... There have been so many times in the past year where I have felt "in" God's hands.  Literally... I felt His Presence offering peace, assurance, rest, grace and forgiveness. Other times, I am blinded by the pain in my heart.  I feel anxious, frustrated, fearful and bitter.  And when I am blinded, I feel guilty.  Oh so guilty.  That guilt complex is where I have spent the last week of my life.

Memories of the past year came back this week.  It was as if I had stepped back to January 2014.  I felt the depression, the exhaustion of not being able to sleep and the hunger from not being able to stomach food.  I noticed I began to isolate from others and give platitude answers.... I'm fine... It is what it is, etc.  But deep inside I felt ANGRY, BITTER and GUILTY for not having enough faith to see over this valley.

Someone reminded me today that God is big enough to handle my emotions.  God understands it because He created us.  God understands it because He has experienced righteous anger. God understands it because He has experience with other people being angry at him.  David is a good example.  Throughout the Psalms, David cried out to God asking, "How long Oh Lord?"  How long will my suffering last?  How much do I have to endure?  When will this be over?  God always answered David's prayers, not always as David would have liked but God always answered.

Tonight this song is my prayer.  I pray I will seek God through this pain.  I pray I will go through this struggle knowing it won't last forever.  I pray one day I will be able to look back and see where the pain ended and beauty began.

After all this has passed, I still will remain

After I've cried my last, there will be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again

And there will be beauty from pain.

You bring beauty from my pain.

"Be Still" by Storyside:B (with lyrics)

Today has been one of "those days".  The ones when panic, fear, frustration, anxiety and stress settle deep into my core.  I have some parenting situations that I need to address and often times this is where my deepest struggles come from.  In my head, I want obedience and control.  But in gazing through my Father's eyes, I try to see situations with kindness and mercy.  This is where the problem lies.... my own sinfulness... my need for control... my selfishness...  

Today felt "doomed" from the time I woke up.  Try as I might, I couldn't shake my negativity and it influenced my interactions at work, my eating habits, my frustration level.  I came home even more defeated than when I left.  But I came home to a mailbox containing two very special letters; both from women; strangers; pen pals; women who have signed up to be encouragers each week; women from opposite sides of our country.  As I opened them, tears began to flow.  I learned 2 truths in those stranger letters.

Truth 1- Rest.  How many days last week did I describe myself as "tired?"  I read scriptures my new friend wrote, each speaking of "resting".  I realized that I could substitute rest in scripture with the word "peace".  Isn't that was I am truly needing?  PEACE?  When I am at peace then I can truly rest.  The only way to have peace is to truly rest in God.  For example:

My soul finds rest (PEACE) in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation.  I will never be shaken.  Psalms 62:12

Truth 2- My new friend wrote

I'm here to remind you that you're in God's hands.  He hasn't left or ever will.  Remind you of where God brought you from! To encourage you to keep going.  Keep pressing on.

And with those two truths, I began to breathe a little easier.   I went back to read some journal entries over the past year and a half.  I wanted to remember exactly where I had come from.  I found this from Jesus Calling...

Look back on your life and see how I have helped you through difficult days.  If you are tempted to think, "Yes BUT that was then and this is now", remember who I am.  Although you and your circumstances may change dramatically, I remain the same throughout time and eternity.  This is the basis for your confidence.  In my presence you live, you move and have your being.

Some days I wanna run

Sometimes I come undone

But I still belong to You

And thats how I know that

When I feel like caving in

My heart, my soul is wearing thin

I just wanna give up

And nothing seems at all to add up

Can You hear me, Lord?

My face is down upon the floor

Its then You whisper in my ear

Be still and know I'm here

Read more: StorySide:B - Be Still Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

 Its a pretty good way to end a very stressful day.  I know that parenting struggles are not over but I feel more at rest, at peace to deal with them.  Ultimately I remember that I am not Peanut's most loving parent, Christ is.  When I can take my eyes off of her current life choices and instead, gaze at God's beauty... will she not also look to Christ?  If only because she is curious?  I want so much for her but doesn't God, her Creator, want even more?  Silly me, why do I worry and get so bent out of shape?  Instead, I need to listen to the gentle whispers of the one who knows me and loves her best....

 

Running by Klaus Kuehn [Lyrics Onscreen]

This spring has been different than any other spring I have ever encountered.  Today, as I sat on my deck and read a book I realized why.

Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.  See!  The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.  Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.  The fig tree forms its early fruit;; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.  Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.  Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Its true in my personal life.  I feel like the winter- barren, cold, isolated- is melting in my heart.  I've weathered a tough storm but I am beginning to see the rebirth of spring- warm and bright, filled with awe and wonder as newness is all around me.  

I hear the voice, the one that I love,

He's calling my name.

I hear the voice, the one that I love

He's calling my name.

Come up higher and hear the angels singing

Come up higher my beloved.

Come up higher and leave this world behind

Fine me to be beautiful.

It is my prayer that others will be drawn to my Beloved.  Not because of who I am or how I have stumbled through life during the winter of my life but because they see His goodness upholding me through it all.  

Today is the Day - Lincoln Brewster (with lyrics)

Often, I find myself blogging about struggles or battles within myself.  Today has a different vibe.  I feel really good... like amazingly good....think sunshine and rainbows good.  It is a feeling that I've experienced far too little of over the past year.    I've thought long and hard about my feelings and I think the answer lies in the activities and people I have surrounded myself in this week-end.  Its been a busy week-end in which  I've served others and spent some time being intentional with those around me.  I believe surrounding myself with others has been an extension of the healing in my heart that has taken place over the past several months.  I love this quote:

I don't say this to brag or to puff myself up with pride.  In fact, I fear that one day life will go back to serving, caring and loving others will feel like an obligation rather than an opportunity.  I've learned that life isn't about WHAT we DO because we can't earn God's love or favor.  Life is about WHY we DO it.  When our eyes are on our Savior our hearts desire changes WHAT we do to WHY we do it.

 

How Can It Be - Lauren Daigle

The simplicity of the Gospel...

"You gave your life, to give me mine.  

You say that I am free 

How can it be?"

As I sit here early on this morning, I have a lot to think about, both things to be thankful for and questions to ponder.  I wonder, what kind of love gives up His own life so that I can live in freedom from my sin and the law?  What kind of person am I because of that freedom?  Am I a Christian that shows others the goodness of God- full of life and grace and peace?  Am I a Christian that demonstrates the solemn and serious side of God that so often points others to the laws? 

Unfortunately, I am far too often, the latter of the two.  I believe in the Resurrection and in the freedom it gives but I don't truly live in that freedom.  I am content following a list of dos and don'ts in my day to day life.  I think belief in that freedom and living in that freedom can be two very different things.  

Though I fall you can make me new

from this death I will rise with you

Oh the grace reaching out for me

How Can it Be?

Oh, to be a woman who lives in the freedom of the cross; to understand that I am loved and accepted far more than I can comprehend; to believe that His grace is sufficient; to find joy- true joy; to accept his forgiveness for the times when I don't believe and to forgive myself for that doubt.  

You Were on the Cross - Matt Maher

This day 2000 years ago had to be one of agony for a small group of men and women.  The day before, Jesus had just been crucified.  He had been tried for crimes He had not committed, taunted by people who had just celebrated him a few days before, tortured by a group of soldiers and taken off the cross and put into a tomb.  What was the mindset of the disciples and the other followers?  We know Peter denied knowing Jesus.  We know Thomas doubted Jesus had been raised from the grave.  But what about the others?  Were they silent?  Were they weeping loudly?  Were they together or did they each go their own way?  Did even one of them anticipate the third day when Jesus would rise from the grave?  I believe they were so deep in their own grief, they couldn't remember Jesus' teachings or promises of the Resurrection.

This song reminds me of what they might be singing or at least thinking on this Silent Saturday.  It is definitely the words in my heart a year ago.  

Lost, everything is lost

and everything I've loved before is gone.

Alone like the coming of the frost

and cold winter's chill in my stony heart.

And where were you when all that I hoped for?

Where were you when all I've dreamed?

came crashing down in shambles around me?

You were on the cross.   

When we are in the depths of sorrow and loss, it's easy to question God.  I can remember crying out, "Where are you in this God?"  For me, I wasn't doubting God as sovereign or what was doing, or even if He was "in it."  I knew he was there with me.  But to make sense of it was impossible.  I didn't doubt God in what I was going through but I questioned why it had to be that way.

In that way, I am like the group that followed Jesus 2000 years ago.  I can almost hear them saying, "We were with you.  You performed miracles.  We believed you were the Son of God who was going to be King and save us all.  Where are you in this?"  Thankfully Easter Sunday answers all those lingering questions.

You were on the cross.

You died for us.

Victorious.

You were there in all of my suffering

You were there in doubt and in fear

I'm waiting on the dawn to reappear.  

As I look to tomorrow and remember the dawn of the Resurrection, I am thankful it happened 2000 years ago to that small band of dedicated followers.  I am also thankful that my God has done it in my life as well.  He has been victorious in my life and brought me out of the despair I felt a year ago.