Well, loneliness has set in again. It hit me as I was driving today. A feeling of not belonging. No matter how much I fight it, I wonder why this journey has led me once again to a "single" life. I want a tangible, breathing person to share life with. I want someone to love me like Christ loved the church. I want someone who can lead me and whom I can trust to lead me. I am tired of making all the decisions. I am tired of being alone on a Saturday night. Tonight I can't "Fake it til you Make it."
This cycle of grief stinks. I can go about life like a "normal" person when something blindsides me and I am deep in grief. Tonight I grieve for what "should have been." I know I am not to blame for my situation. I know God has a purpose for me in this journey. I can see His footsteps in every step of the last 19 months. But still I grieve.
Lord, I pray I can take my eyes off of myself and look to you. I pray you will remind me of who I am in you, of your great love for me, and that you are never changing. You will restore my heart and brokenness. Help me to accept the days ahead and to fill them with meaning and purpose to which you will guide me.
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