I Believe - Holly Starr - Lyrics

A friend gave me a card at church this morning.  It was a pleasant surprise.  When I got home, I read it over and over again.  This is what it read:

You have been on my heart the past couple of weeks and I just wanted to take a moment to not only let you know that, but to keep reminding you of what you know is true but may be fighting to believe at times.

Wow.  That hit the nail on its head.  Often in life, I get bogged down in details... so bogged down that I can bend to despair.  For the past couple of weeks, I have camped out in that desert place.  I know all the right things:

• God is good
• His plan is good
• He will never leave me.
• He will provide
• He will sustain

I know all of these things but my human self is unable to believe them.  I find myself feeling all the opposites of these things that God promises to be.  I had never thought about it being a "fight".  But in the moment I read that card, I understood I have a literal fight going on within me.  Its not fun, and its not pretty but that is what it is: a struggle to lean on my own understanding or to let go and let God.  My sweet friend reminded me on Psalm 34 and its promises.

 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cries.  Psalm 34:15

The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:17-17 

So tonight, as I sit in solitude, once again trying to figure out the un-settled-ness of my heart, I will cling to these promises.  

How could I forget?

At least a thousand times

You’ve shown through

And pierced the night

I will not despair

When I don’t understand

You love me through every circumstance

And I will not fear

You’ll find me here

I will wait for you

I don't have to have it all figured out.  God has the plan and he is willing to do the fighting for me. just as he was willing to fight the battles of the Old Testament.  He goes to battle for me because he loves me, far more than anyone else could ever love me.