Beauty from pain - superchick

I feel stuck in grief right now.

Life is all about ebb and flow... There have been so many times in the past year where I have felt "in" God's hands.  Literally... I felt His Presence offering peace, assurance, rest, grace and forgiveness. Other times, I am blinded by the pain in my heart.  I feel anxious, frustrated, fearful and bitter.  And when I am blinded, I feel guilty.  Oh so guilty.  That guilt complex is where I have spent the last week of my life.

Memories of the past year came back this week.  It was as if I had stepped back to January 2014.  I felt the depression, the exhaustion of not being able to sleep and the hunger from not being able to stomach food.  I noticed I began to isolate from others and give platitude answers.... I'm fine... It is what it is, etc.  But deep inside I felt ANGRY, BITTER and GUILTY for not having enough faith to see over this valley.

Someone reminded me today that God is big enough to handle my emotions.  God understands it because He created us.  God understands it because He has experienced righteous anger. God understands it because He has experience with other people being angry at him.  David is a good example.  Throughout the Psalms, David cried out to God asking, "How long Oh Lord?"  How long will my suffering last?  How much do I have to endure?  When will this be over?  God always answered David's prayers, not always as David would have liked but God always answered.

Tonight this song is my prayer.  I pray I will seek God through this pain.  I pray I will go through this struggle knowing it won't last forever.  I pray one day I will be able to look back and see where the pain ended and beauty began.

After all this has passed, I still will remain

After I've cried my last, there will be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again

And there will be beauty from pain.

You bring beauty from my pain.