We Will Run - Gungor

Many times, I find myself consumed by my own thoughts, my own sense of right and wrong and ultimately consumed by my need for control.  This past week-end, I was reminded of this fact, ever so graciously, by my 15 yr old daughter.  (If you're a mom, you know what I am feeling right now.)  In the middle of a very heated discussion, that lasted almost 2 days, she finally said, "You know, you can't control me."  Initially I wanted to scream, "Want to bet?"  But in my weary mind, I shut down the discussion.  I chose to walk away from this conflict that was getting us no where.

But as I went throughout the evening, I kept coming back to her thoughts, "I can't control her."  True, I cannot control her actions.  I cannot control her attitudes.  Then my Type A personality... aka... the prideful and arrogant me who thinks I can handle the world on my own, became frustrated....

"Well, why can't I control it?  I am the parent.  Why not?"

That's when a quiet voice reminded me, "I am in control of her.  You only need to worry about yourself."

So that is where I have been for the past 24 hours... sitting in a wading pool of reflection of my own sinfulness.  (Its a "great" place to be.)  I was reminded of a parable in Matthew about the speck of dust in a brothers eye verses the plank of wood in one's own eye.  I found a commentary that really summed up what I was feeling.

Ultimately, the sin in us is more serious to God than the sin in another which we criticize.  The sin of negative judgement, in God's eyes, is larger than the sin in the person we criticize.  It is easy to criticize if we have never comprehended how deadly a sin this is.  It eats away at us and breaks down not only our relationship with the people we criticized but also with God.  The point is that if we busy ourselves with the log in our own eye, we will have less time and inclination to criticize.  If our sour minds are sweetened by God's forgiveness, we will have less negativism about others.  

Those are powerful words to this mom that tries so hard to love her daughter but who fails daily because, honestly, this mom is scared to death of losing control.   But isn't that the point??? I don't have control.  I don't need control.  I have a more than capable Father who loves my daughter far more than the love I could muster up on my own.

So for tonight, the 2 hours I have left in my day, I hope to live in the forgiveness that only Christ can offer.  I hope that basking in that forgiveness will help me remember what matters most in my daughter's life... not the arguments that we wont remember in 10 years, but my hearts desire to show my daughter acceptance in the eyes of her Savior.

Create in me a clean heart

For I have turned my face from You

Save us from our ways, oh God, oh God

For we have turned away from You

Lord have mercy

We will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Your love and mercy build and shape us

Break and then recreate us now

Lord have mercy

We will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Oh, we will run to You, we will run to You

Turning from our sin we return to You

Father heal your world, make all things new

Make all things new

Read more: Gungor - We Will Run Lyrics | MetroLyrics