Well, I am able to EXHALE.
It seems selfish but I have a break from parenting. Peanut is at camp for 3 weeks. I have needed this break for about a month. I am able to spend time in fellowship with close friends. I am able to sit at the coffee shop and write letters. I am free to get up on my own time table, spend time with God and get started with my day. It seems weird to me that I feel limited to do those things when Peanut is at home. There is constant tension, which I am learning is common in parenting any teenager. But I am seeing my limitations through the daily battles... my need for control and her need for independence.
This is what I am trying to learn... God didn't call me to be the perfect parent. He created me to be the "right" parent for Peanut. I am the perfect fit for what she needs as long as I am relying on God's strength. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to pretend to be perfect. I can accept God's grace moment by moment. I love this song.
It's okay to not be okay.
This is a safe place.
This is a safe place.
Don't be afraid.
Don't be ashamed.
There is hope here.
There is hope here.
Oh God, we breathe in your grace.
We breathe in your grace.
and exhale.
I hope during this time of rest, I will engrave these words on my heart. I pray that as Peanut comes home in a couple of weeks I will have meditated on God's grace and be more willing to offer it to her and even more kind with myself.
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