Today has been one of "those days". The ones when panic, fear, frustration, anxiety and stress settle deep into my core. I have some parenting situations that I need to address and often times this is where my deepest struggles come from. In my head, I want obedience and control. But in gazing through my Father's eyes, I try to see situations with kindness and mercy. This is where the problem lies.... my own sinfulness... my need for control... my selfishness...
Today felt "doomed" from the time I woke up. Try as I might, I couldn't shake my negativity and it influenced my interactions at work, my eating habits, my frustration level. I came home even more defeated than when I left. But I came home to a mailbox containing two very special letters; both from women; strangers; pen pals; women who have signed up to be encouragers each week; women from opposite sides of our country. As I opened them, tears began to flow. I learned 2 truths in those stranger letters.
Truth 1- Rest. How many days last week did I describe myself as "tired?" I read scriptures my new friend wrote, each speaking of "resting". I realized that I could substitute rest in scripture with the word "peace". Isn't that was I am truly needing? PEACE? When I am at peace then I can truly rest. The only way to have peace is to truly rest in God. For example:
My soul finds rest (PEACE) in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. I will never be shaken. Psalms 62:12
Truth 2- My new friend wrote
I'm here to remind you that you're in God's hands. He hasn't left or ever will. Remind you of where God brought you from! To encourage you to keep going. Keep pressing on.
And with those two truths, I began to breathe a little easier. I went back to read some journal entries over the past year and a half. I wanted to remember exactly where I had come from. I found this from Jesus Calling...
Look back on your life and see how I have helped you through difficult days. If you are tempted to think, "Yes BUT that was then and this is now", remember who I am. Although you and your circumstances may change dramatically, I remain the same throughout time and eternity. This is the basis for your confidence. In my presence you live, you move and have your being.
Some days I wanna run
Sometimes I come undone
But I still belong to You
And thats how I know that
When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing thin
I just wanna give up
And nothing seems at all to add up
Can You hear me, Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
Its then You whisper in my ear
Be still and know I'm here
Read more: StorySide:B - Be Still Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Its a pretty good way to end a very stressful day. I know that parenting struggles are not over but I feel more at rest, at peace to deal with them. Ultimately I remember that I am not Peanut's most loving parent, Christ is. When I can take my eyes off of her current life choices and instead, gaze at God's beauty... will she not also look to Christ? If only because she is curious? I want so much for her but doesn't God, her Creator, want even more? Silly me, why do I worry and get so bent out of shape? Instead, I need to listen to the gentle whispers of the one who knows me and loves her best....
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