Hillsong United- Relentless

I found this song months ago while listening to the Rend Collective station on my phone.  A friend had suggested it when I was complaining about Christian music.  I was so frustrated with the songs that talked about what people were doing to earn God's blessing.  My journey was teaching me that faith was about what Jesus had already done... not what I was striving so desperately to do.  It took several weeks for me to understand the freedom in Christ to stop trying, stop working myself to death for something that Jesus loved me so much to cover long before I was born. 

 

Tearing through the veil of darkness
Breaking every chain, You set us free
Fighting for the furthest heart You gave
Your own life for all to see

I have listened to many arrangements of this song.  There is an acoustic version which tends to be my style of music.  But this song, needed to be played like this video.  It is a song full of life and energy.  The beginning feels like a rocket taking off on a new journey... that is how life feels today.  It feels like a new day dawning. 

Salvation sounds a new beginning
As distant hearts begin believing
Redemption's bid is unrelenting
Your love goes on

 

The time is up for chasing shadows
You gave the world a light to follow
A hope that shines beyond tomorrow
Your love goes on

 

I chose to share this song for two reasons.  The first reason is that today felt good.  I was able to let go of my chains of worry and just enjoy work.  For the first time in many months, I was relaxed.  I smiled.  I laughed and I didn't feel guilty about the laughter.  For the first time, I feel hope.  Its going to be ok... maybe not this week but there is hope in sight.  And thank God it is time. 

 

The other reason I shared this song was because of a reading I did this morning in my alone time with Christ.  I struggled getting out of bed and making this a priority but I couldn't get it out of my head.  I needed time with Christ today.  Here is what was said,

"In a world of unrelenting changes, I am the One who never changes.  I am the alpha and the omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the End.  Find in me the stability for which you have yearned."  -Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Yes we can count on one thing in this life... change... I hate change.  You've heard me say that a million times.  I like comfort zones and predictability. 

I don' t like change... but a relationship with Christ is just that... the pursuit of a God that is going to constantly draw us out of our comfort zones. He is with us in the change because he  is our best friend and he is there to send us to places that will stretch us out of our comfort zones.  OUCH.   



The Glorious Unfolding - Steven Curtis Chapman Lyrics

Yes...

Life gets better. 

Loss gets easier. 

Pain is a little less.

(I hated hearing that just a few months ago.)

 

 

But today I am proof

God provides. 

He sustains. 

He heals. 

 

Five months ago,

it seemed like my world ended at 2:00 in the afternoons. 

I would panic as 2:00 got closer. 

That was when loss happened. 

 

It happened on Wednesdays,

so you would find me on Wednesdays clutching my cell phone

waiting for more bad news. 

That was when loss happened.

 

I also lived my months focused on a particular day. 

You could tell when that day of the month was close

because I was lost in a sea of grief and despair. 

That was when loss happened.

 

But this month, "that day" came and went...

without a tear...

without panic of 2:00 and

without me desperately seeking news on Wednesday. 

 

I am proof that God does everything He promises us. 

He stays close to the broken hearted. 

He restores our strength. 

He gives us hope.

He stays close beside us. 

 

This is going to be a glorious unfolding.  My story is so far from over.  I can't even imagine what God has in store for me in the next 3 months, year, 5 years. 

I will wait on the Lord- Coffey

A four letter word... 

A word that plagues my life every day...

The one word that everyone around me keeps saying...

WAIT!

If you know me at all, you know that being idle is not my strong point.  When I am watching tv, I am doing something else at the same time.  When I am home alone, I am doing something... reading, searching recipes, chatting with friends.  When I have a day to myself, I have to have a plan to get out- even if it is to the library or grocery store.  I hate not having a routine and I hate not knowing what tomorrow brings. 

This is where God must have a sense of humor.  Does He giggle when I squirm because I don't know how to spend my free time?  Does he chuckle when I try to plan things to do and people cancel those plans? Does He send bumps and curves on the road of my journey just to see what I will do?  He created me the way I am, why does he constantly seek to find ways to make me wait???

I don't really believe that God would cause me to wiggle and squirm. I truly know that the bumps, curves and changes He sends will serve a purpose in the future.  But what about the here and now?  Suddenly I have one more week at work and then, an open summer.  I would be lying if I didn't say that I am a little worried about it.  Put aside the financial aspect of not working the summer and focus on the emotional aspect of it... How in the world am I going to spend my time? 

The past couple of days, my time with the Lord has revolved around this topic... waiting.  Even more interesting is that my circumstances all center around waiting on God's timing.  In Acts 1, the disciples were told to wait on the Holy Spirit.  But the disciples were "doers".  They wanted to get to the task at hand.  Jesus told them in Acts 1:4 :Wait here to receive the promise from the Father which I told you about."  Of course the disciples didn't get it.  (You think they would at this point)  They asked questions, "Lord, are you know going to give the kingdom back to Israel?"  Patiently, Jesus responded in verse 7, "The Father is the only one who has authority to decide dates and times.  these things are not for you to know.  But when the Holy Spirit comes to you, you will receive power."

Here is a great song I found on you tube this morning:

http://www.godvine.com/Wait-on-the-Lord-Original-Song-by-Coffey-Anderson-311.html

Even better was a commentary I read about waiting for the power of the Lord:
 

"The amazing thing which is discernible on the pages of every period of Christian history is that there are always those who are willing to wait for power to do the Lord's will.  Most of the great men and women of history have had LONG periods of excruciating preparation for participation in  Christ's mission.  It is during these periods that the Lord who does his work IN us before He does His work THROUGH us, gets us ready to do his "new thing" in each age.  When we are quiet we realize our impotency to follow Christ.  We feel the inadequacy of our love at the very moment we catch a vision of the worlds need for us.  It is at that moment that preparation is taking place." 

-God's Best for my Life

 

 

Of course there are other scriptures that popped out from one devotional study to another.  (It always seems to do that when God really wants me to "get something.")

 

 

People who do what is right may have many problems

but the Lord will solve them all.

- Psalm 34:19

 

But the people who trust in the Lord will become strong again. 

They will rise up as an eagle in the sky, they will run and not need rest. 

They will walk and not become tired.

-Isaiah 40:31

 

The Lord your God is with you; the mighty one will save you. 

He will rejoice over you. 

You will rest in his love. 

He will sing and be joyful about you. 

-Zephaniah 3:17

 

 

So I will try not to cringe when I hear the word, "wait."  I will try to remember that this is a time where God is teaching me to rest, to trust, and to really seek him.  There will be a time for "doing" there always is... people around us always need to know God and feel his love through the body of Christ.  But for now he is preparing me.  He is teaching me that I can't do it on my own strength.  I need Him.  



 

Kari Jobe - Steady My Heart (Lyrics On Screen Video HD) New Christian Mu...

Words. 

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal."

Words.

"Words! What power they hold. Once they have rooted in your psyche, it is difficult to escape them. Words can shape the future of a child and destroy the existence of an adult.  Words are powerful. Be careful how you use them because once you have pronounced them, you cannot remove the scar they leave behind.”   -Vashti Quiroz-Vega

Words. 

Someone wrote words to me yesterday.  They were powerful.  They were hurtful.  They can't ever be unread or unwritten.  The words came from someone who once loved me and accepted me as part of their family.  But their words crushed me to the very core.  I'm not sure if they were trying to hurt me but they did.  I tossed all night, worrying about how to respond, crying out "Why?", and grieving a relationship that had meant so much. 

I turned to friends.  I have three friends that can speak truth to my wounded heart.  God has placed them in my life for that very purpose.  I trust these people to encourage me, tell me the truth- even when its not what I want to hear and to always point me back to the cross. 

That's just what they did.  They encouraged me by telling me how loved I am.  They reminded me that sometimes hurting people say hurtful things.  They pointed me back to Jesus. 

"Even when it hurts.

Even when its hard.

Even when it all just falls apart.

I will run to you

Cause I know that you are

lover of my soul

healer of my scars

You steady my heart."

 

 



As I am learning to let Jesus steady my heart, I am also learning to let go of hurtful words, of people who say hurtful things and of the hurt itself.  Its not easy, its only by God's grace that I can choose to let go and not respond to hurt.  This wasn't the first time someone hurt me with their words nor will it be the last.  But I pray that this verse will become my response,

        

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." -Psalm 19:14

Kutless, What Faith Can Do (lyrics!)

"True faith is not white-knuckled, teeth-gritting determination to survive in trouble.  It is rooted in the confidence that the Lord will invade the trouble at just the right time with His unlimited resources.  He knows, cares and will intervene.  Troubles are an opportunity to experience the power of the Lord in a fresh way.  Faith nurtured endurance grows out of the realization that the Lord will come to us in the midnight darkness of trouble.  He comes not only as our comfort but to perform miracles we could never have imagined."  -Lloyd John Olgilvie, God's Best for My Life

The Rock Won't Move: The Song Sessions - VERTICAL CHURCH BAND

It happens.  I get distracted by life.  I begin to think that life is settling down.  I feel secure in my place in the world.  I think the plans are concrete and secure.  I will work part time this summer at my job.  I will work part time at my church.  I will have time to bond more with Peanut.  I will be able to focus on my healing and growth.  I won't have to stress about money.  I can make it financially this summer.  But then something happens.  In this case, I learn that I won't be offered a summer position at work.  Uh oh... shaky ground. 

 

When the ground beneath my feet gives way
And I hear the sound of crashing waves
All my world is washing out to sea
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of the truth
That You are holding tighter still to me

Then my faith wavers.  Why is this happening?  I don't know how much more my heart can take.  Why am I being tested so much?  Isn't it someone else's turn to be put to the fire?  God what could you possibly be trying to teach me in this?  Haven't I learned enough this year?  Where are you in this God?  And I hear Jesus whispering these words into my heart...

 

The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock won't move and His word is strong
The Rock won't move and His love can't be undone
The Rock of our Salvation

In the chorus I begin to see what is really important.  Its not about me, its not about my finances, my healing of the past or my position in life.  Its not about my control, self-generated righteousness, self deception, or even self pity.  It really doesn't matter what the outcome this summer becomes.  It's about Him.  His blood that was shed for me.  His strength that I can take refuge in. 

 

My hope is in the promise of Your blood
My support within the raging flood
Even in the tempest, I can sing
I'm hidden safe in the God who never moves
Holding fast to the promise of Your truth
That You are holding tighter still to me

Woah, woah
Woah, the Rock of our salvation

He is faithful to provide.  He hasn't bailed on me yet.  He is teaching me something.  To trust Him more.  To realize it isn't about self.  The world doesn't revolve around me.  Its about Him.  My steady rock.  My hiding place.  My strength when I can't do it on my own. 

 

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
The Rock won't move, the Rock won't move
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest in His unchanging grace
The Rock won't move, the Rock won't move

 

Its not about me, myself and I.  The waves of uncertainty.  The need for control.  The fears that are real or imagined.  I can rest in his unchanging grace.  His love for me doesn't change.  He's got this.  Instead of trying to figure it out, I need to rest in that knowledge.  He, alone, is my salvation. 

Who says- Selena Gomez; More beautiful- Johnny Diaz; Brave- Sara Bareilles

Last night was AMAZING.  It was Peanut's 8th Grade Spring Formal.  As soon as she got home from school, we started with nails, make up and hair.  The minute she slipped on the dress and put on the jewelry... Lets just say this momma's heart was melted. 

 

She told me that for the first time, she felt "pretty". 

My heart sank...

Who says she's not pretty?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BzE1mX4Px0I

 

My daughter is beautiful and it isn't only surface pretty. 

She is intelligent- she is not only book smart but also common sense smart. 

She has compassion- especially for children and animals. 

She is an overcomer- she has lived through much more pain

and heartache than any other teen I know.

 

 

It really had me thinking all night about parenting teen girls.  I have taught Peanut about modesty, about loving herself, about caring for herself, standing up for herself and standing up for others. 

But self esteem is lacking.  

  How in the world do you "fix" this in the next 4 years before she goes off to college? 

I know the answer to that question,  I don't "fix" anything. 

Whatever God's purpose is for Peanuts life, He is working out. 

He is moving in her heart, even as she sleeps this morning. 

He knows the future. 

 

He will not leave her. 

He is her heavenly Father.

 

He will be here strength on the tough days.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGZkrn_vaqU&feature=player_embedded#t=0

 

He can show her what true beauty is. 

 

He is the only one who can show her what true love is. 

 

So my job is simple: to love her, to encourage her and to point her to Him. 

Sounds easy... but so hard to do. 

 

She is watching me. 

She will follow my lead (a little intimidating.) 

 I want her to be courageous. 

 I want her to love others. 

I want her to follow the plan that God has for her life. 

I want her to learn to love God with all of her heart. 

I want her to understand grace and learn to extend it to others. 

 

So my job is: to follow God, 

to be courageous; to love others;

to follow God's plan; to love God with all of my heart,

to extend grace to those around me and to accept God's grace. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

I want her to be brave and to be herself.  I want her to feel beautiful. 

Here's my chance to show her how to feel those things- by feeling them myself.

 

Just say Jesus- 7eventh Time Down

I believe journal writing is a great way to
1- "look back" and see how far you have come or
2- "look back" and see where you still struggle. 

Tonight, I took time to "look back" and relive some of the past 5 years of my life.  My heart soared as I read the entries surrounding my daughter's journey from foster care to adoption.  I will never forget the day she became, "mine." I was able take a realistic look at the disappointments over the years: jobs that didn't end the way I wanted them to; a marriage that struggled long before I realized how bad it was; family members who were supposed to love and commit to our family but chose not to. 

One thing I know for sure, Jesus was with me as I went through life over the past 5 years.  He was there for all the tears.  He was there rejoicing with me.  He was there when I cried out because I couldn't understand, "Why me?"

Here is what I wrote on August 12, 2011

"What a blessing comes from old hymns.  I've been listening to them for over an hour:  Fairest Lord Jesus, Turn you eyes upon Jesus, My Jesus I love thee... all the amazing songs that shaped my personal faith.  What I notice is that there is a common theme in all these old hymns. We are to seek God's face, not his hands."

 

 

Who knew that the songs of my childhood, would come to bring me such comfort as an adult.  There is strength and power and peace in these songs.  They remind us over and over again that he invites us to sit with Jesus and feel his love for us.  That is where we find discernment in our choices.  That is where we feel true joy.  That is where complete contentment is found. 

 

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WYG7GPNX

Why is it that in 2014, I still struggle with this concept of finding myself in Christ?  Why do I look to the things he is "doing around me" rather than resting in what is already done?  I know my identity is in him but in the day to day living I seem to leave him out of the equation.  Its only when I hit a rough patch that I can say I find HIM as my meaning and purpose.  You would think after years of struggle that this would be engraved in my heart so much so that I automatically go to Jesus for every decision, every heartache and every worry.  So for tonight, I will go to bed singing the name of Jesus.  

Hawk Nelson - Faithful (Official Lyric video)

You never promised me that this would be easy
I never knew that anything could be this hard
I wanna trust that You know what You're doin'

 

 

 Mother's day was hard.  It was hard to get out of bed and get moving.  It was hard to smile as I greeted everyone around me.  It was hard to receive "Happy Mother's Day" texts and phone calls from friends.  It was hard to breathe in and breathe out.  All day I felt like I was missing something.  Almost like I was the only one who was feeling this way, "AM I?!?!?!?!"

 

I think for me, this Mother's Day was hard because I have "worked so hard" to be "soooo right" in the eyes of those around me.  A thoughtful daughter, an appreciative mother, a caring friend, a good teacher.  I realized early in the afternoon that I was tired, run down, exhausted and miserable.  I wanted to hide my head, cry and scream at the world, "That is not what Mother's Day is supposed to feel like, IS IT?!?!?!?!" 

 

Mother's Day:  a day when we celebrate our mothers,

even if our relationships with our mothers are strained. 

  Some women have had to bury our mothers this year,,,

others have buried our children too soon...

others have struggled with infertility and still

others children to live with another family and

they miss their kids on this day above all else.. 

Some moms have been given a road not of their choosing...

a road of loneliness as they learn to live a

single life while raising children.  

 

A day of sadness for many women.



No matter how many skies fall down
I'm covered under the peace I've found
You're my shelter when there's nowhere else to go
No matter how many times I break
You promise always to keep me safe
You're my rescue when I'm spinning outta control
You are faithful, faithful

 

I don't want to live a "strong" life.  I'm tired and I feel weak. 

I don't want to "do it on my own."  I keep making a mess of it all. 

I don't want to "be alone".  Its a terrible place to be.   

I want to surround myself with other women- moms and not moms-

 who can encourage me, who can speak love, peace and truth to my heart. 

I want to encourage others- moms and not moms- that this struggle isn't all there is. 

I need to remember that myself, "This struggle isn't all there is" to life. 

For all of those moms and not moms who are still hurting from Mother's Day I want to say... we all feel your hurt in some way. 

"Comfort and prosperity have never

enriched the world as adversity has done...

 Out of suffering and tears have come

 the greatest spirits and the most blessed lives."

-Billy Graham

Your life will be blessed, no matter what you are experiencing.  '

Cause You are good  Even when You're not understood'- as the song says. 
God is faithful.  "Call to me and I will answer you, and
I will tell you great and mighty things,
which you do not know."  Jeremiah 33:3

God will indeed raise us moms and not moms out of the sadness we feel, out of the perfectionism we put upon ourselves.  When we realize that perfectionism is not expected by God but rather a burden placed upon us by ourselves... we will begin to see God's faithfulness.  

Thousand Foot Krutch - Breathe You In (Plus full album link)

Randomly, I found this song online this morning.  But we know that nothing is ever random when we are learning a lesson.  I have been given an incredible opportunity this summer.  A way to use the gifts and talents God gave me in a new way.  Late last night, doubt sunk in. 

Am I going to be successful at this? 

What if I fail?  How will I ever face my friends again?

Who would entrust this responsibility to someone who is struggling so much to live day to day? 

Why did I accept this opportunity? 

What was I thinking? 

What were they thinking? 

What about my fears of speaking in public? 

What about my fears of being with other adults? 

I was a sinking ship in these feelings of self-doubt.  I know these thoughts are not from a Loving Father but rather from a fearful child.  In itself, it was amazing that I realized this so quickly.  I am typically one who continues to worry.  I texted a friend and shared with her my fears.  She spoke truth into my heart reminding me that God gave me this opportunity and it would be full of grace.  No one expects perfection of me, other than myself. 

This morning, I begin my quiet time reading, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  What do you think it was about?  Yes, self reliance rather than reliance on Christ.  She says,

"Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand tailored blessings designed for you benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life trusting me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on me.  When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for me... Thank me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self reliance."

 

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 says, "Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the trouble we suffered in Asia.  We had great burdens there that were beyond our own strength. We even gave up hope of living.  Truly in our own hearts we believed we would die.  But this happened so we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises people from the dead.  God saved us from these great dangers of death and will continue to save us.  We have put our hope in him and he will save us again.  And you can help us with your prayers.  Then many people will give thanks for us-That god blesses us because of their many prayers."

 

I don't know what it is like to feel persecution or like I am going to die... to literally die.  But I know what it is like to feel a circumstance or fear is going to kill me.  Take speaking in public... I hate it.  I don't like having all eyes on me.  I would rather work behind the scenes.  But maybe this opportunity is not so much about me but about Him.  "God saved us from these great dangers (real or imagined) and will continue to save us."

 

I need to remember this as I walk on this new path of my journey.  God has brought me so far and for whatever reason, this new path was his choosing.  Part of this journey is to rely fully on Him rather than on my own strengths.  He hasn't failed me yet and I truly believe He will guide me as I begin to overcome my fears.  This week-end, I will choose to breathe Him and trust him to conquer my fears.  Stay tune because I am sure this is going to be a wild ride.  

Natalie Grant - In The End (Official Video)

Can't catch a break
You've had your fill of old clichés
Like "life is hard but God is good"
And even though it's true
It won't stop what you're going through
I wish that I could say it would

But He's outside of what you feel
It might not make sense
But one day it will

There's coming a day the sun will always shine
He's gonna wipe away every tear from your eyes
Hold on my brother, things are gonna better
You're gonna smile again
Cause we win in the end

Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

You're standing still
Life has handed you a bitter pill
Once again you're on your face

You've got questions
Plenty of secret confessions
Wondering if you've run out of grace

But He's outside of what you feel
This life is just a moment
But our forever is sealed, oh yeah

There's coming a day the sun will always shine
He's gonna wipe away every tear from your eyes
Hold on my brother, things are gonna better
You're gonna smile again
Cause we win in the end

It won't be about streets of gold, pearly gates
Harps and wings, diamond lakes
All I know is that He's gonna hold you, hold me
Heartache will disappear
Questions will become clear
Life will all make sense in the end

Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
We win in the end
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

There's coming a day the sun will always shine
He's gonna wipe away every tear from your eyes
Hold on my brother, things are gonna better
You're gonna smile again
Cause we win in the end

Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
We win in the end
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
We win in the end

Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
We win in the end
We win in the end

This should be my anthem song right now.  I relate to everything about it.  Thanks to a dear friend, I am encouraged.  We will win in the end!!!

God Speaking- Mandisa

Last night was a tough night.  I was missing someone very special.  My daughter, knew how hard I was struggling.  She gave me some quotes that I had given her last summer during a difficult time.  How appropriate that she gave them back to me during this time of transition. 

"One small crack does not mean that you are broken.  It means you were put to the test and you didn't fall apart." 

How appropriate for me, the worrier, who not only worries about the details of my life but also how others will view me.  (I guess we can add pride back to my list of sins.)

As my morning got started I read, God's Best for my Life, a devotional I have been using since 1995.  I should know it forwards and backwards now... but today I gleaned a new nugget from it. 

"I know your works, tribulations and poverty (but you are rich)..."  -Revelation 2:9

The writer doesn't say that IF you  have tribulations or trials... God pretty much guarantees we will face hardships, struggles and pain this side of heaven.  The Greek word for "tribulation" is the same as "pressure".  So if you substitute "pressure" the verse would say,

 

"I know your works, your pressure and your poverty (But you are rich.)" 

I know pressure all too well.  Remember the cracked pot in the quote from my daughter.  That came from intense pressure.  Pressure I wasn't sure I would ever endure.  Pressure that felt like it would take the life right out of me.  But that pressure has created who I am now. 

Pressures can come in all shapes and sizes:

a broken marriage,

a conflict with a coworker,

a child who has left home,

a poor self image. 

We all have pressures and cracks.  That is one thing I love about this stage in my journey,  I am slowly getting out of my own "mess" and I am recognizing the daily pressures others may feel.  I want to spend time with women, talking and sharing.  The specific details of our trials, tribulations or pressures may not look the same, but the inner struggle and brokenness that these bring are fairly similar.  I have never been one to be vulnerable.  I have always kept to myself.  So opening up my life to others, is quite new.  It is intimidating and uncomfortable but I hope I will continue to pursue it.  I want others to be encouraged God is using these pressures, tribulations to draw us to Himself.  "God is speaking, I love you."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI2gOBvBHk&feature=kp

Big Daddy Weave - "Redeemed" (Official Music Video)

"Redeemed"

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

 

 

The worrier in me is back.  It's so hard to break that cycle of my past- my need for control, or at least for answers.  I trust God... I really do... but as summer gets closer, I feel the urgency to "figure out" what this summer will look like.  New Job? volunteering? New house?  How will we live day to day? New schedule?

 

 I was listening to this song early this morning and I couldn't help but hit "repeat" on the ipod.  I am a new creature.  I'm not who I used to be.  I don't have to live in the chains of control that I have had for as long as I remember.  I can choose to live in freedom.  God is trying to teach me these things, but it is so easy to go back to my old self... the worrier.  The glass half empty girl. 

 

 

I don't know whether to plan the summer or to let totally go and wait on God.  It goes against every grain in my body to wait.  Honestly, I struggle with whether God wants me to take the initiative to plan a little and to go with what I feel I 'need' to do or whether I should just sit, praying.  Everyone tells me that God doesn't want us to be idle... is that what I am doing?  Am I afraid to make any plans because it will be the wrong one? 

 

What I do know, is that I am redeemed.  God has chosen me for such a time as this.  It is to learn to let go.  Today I choose to live in peace.  To not worry about the details so much.  To rest in God's love and plan, even though I can't grasp it.  

Casting Crowns - Just Be Held (Official Lyric Video) (+playlist)

This week is full of uncertainties, worries, anxieties... whatever you want to call them:

Will my job close for summer at the end of this week? Or will we have 2 weeks after this one?  That seems trivial to most people, but for a woman who has recently become a single mother... its stressful knowing that I may be without one last paycheck. 

What will we do financially for money this summer?  My job moves to part time during summer months.  We can cut corners and really pinch pennies this summer but will we have enough to live off of?  There is an answered prayer in the works but are the details what I need them to be?  What do I need them to be? 

Where will we move in the next couple of months?  Peanut and I need to move out of our home because there are too many memories in it.  AND because I am paying too much rent for way too much house for the two of us to live in.  Should I buy or rent a home?  Am I brave enough to try to buy a home? 

 

I think the answer lies within another question.

How much do I trust God? 

Do I trust Him to make all the decisions and to provide for me? 

 Has He ever let me down before? 

 

The answer to this question is

ABSOLUTELY YES.

 

 

So tonight as I prepare for a week of unknowns; where everyone asks me "What are you going to do?" and where some people tell me what they think I should do... as I prepare for that kind of week, I will sleep peacefully. I will rest that God is holding me, making beauty from ashes.  I will trust that His plan will be just what I need.  He is never late but He is never early.  He knows just what I need and I can trust Him.   

 

 

K-LOVE Fan Awards: Songs of the Year (by Anthem Lights) - 2014 Mash-Up

Can I just say that I LOVE this song???

Defeat? Yes, feeling that. 

Amazing love?  Yes, seeing that each day. 

Chains that have been set free?  Learning this. 

Overcomer?  Some days more than others. 

Just the name of Jesus?  Most definitely!!! 

My need every hour for a Savior? My one defense.  My righteousness.

Oh, my God how I need you!!!

Matthew West REST

The last few days I have been reminded over and over that I should be more gentle with myself.  Not expect perfection as I make sense of life each moment of the day. The lyrics to this song really are the same words that others have said.  Sometimes I don't listen well, being the strong, independent woman I was raised to be, I feel like I should be "over this" or at least making strides to put this behind me.  But Jesus says just the opposite.  Sometimes I need to be still and rest.  Let Him shower me with love and peace and comfort.  His love story with me is much more nurturing and gracious than I have ever experienced.  So, here are the lyrics that I am going to try to remember when worry, anxiety and control seem to knock me down. 

I am calling.
Are you listening?
I am waiting for my child.
But you keep running, always chasing.
Stop your striving for a while…
Just rest
Chorus:
Rest in my love, in my arms
Won’t you rest here in the hands
that are holding your heart
Come unto Me all who are weary
and find Rest
in the light of My grace
You can rest here while I put
all your pieces back in place
Just come unto Me
all who are weary
and I will give you rest
In this lost world there is chaos,
But in my presence there is peace
So trade your troubles for a new song
Lay your burdens down at My feet
Oh, and just…
Chorus:
Just shut out the world
Be still and know
That I am Your God And I won’t let you go

 

A quote I found yesterday talks of this very thing: 

 

"Have patience with all things but chiefly have grace with yourself. 

Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections

but instantly set about remedying them. 

Every day begins the task anew.  " 

So this week-end I wont' focus on moving forward but I will more focus on just resting in Jesus.