Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Beautiful Things - Gungor Lyric Video



It has been an emotional evening.  I have been crying for about 4 hours.  It is a feeling of being overwhelmed, isolated, and just heart broken.  Words cannot express where my heart is right now.  I finally called a friend.  I probably should have called someone hours ago but it took until 8:15 for me to talk to another live human being.  I needed that.  My heart needed to hear someone else speak God's truth into my heart.  "I am doing more than ok.  I am stronger than any of my friends ever thought I would be.  This is a shitty time in my life.  God is here, holding me when I can't go on.  He is making beauty from this.  He has surrounded me with friends who genuinely want to know when life is hard."  (Some of them are frustrated that I haven't called for help sooner.) 

It all comes down to pride.  I thought I was finally getting there... I was overcoming... I was accepting my place in the world.  I was doing it on my own.  See the problem?  I was never meant to live life alone.  God designed us to need each other, as friends, as Christians, as families, we are wired for relationship.  I see my pride in two ways: I don't want to bother people who have busy families of their own.  or I don't want to let others know how incredibly sad I still get when I think of "what could have been."  Either way its, PRIDE.  Its me trying to live life apart from others.  I was not designed that way, so no wonder it is hard to ask a friend to give me some time.  I need others. 

I recently read some quotes from a book my father gave me.  I'm simply going to list a few that have stood out to me throughout this day:
 
Trust God to let you work through this moment and the next. 
He will give you all you need. 
 Don't skip over the painful or confusing moment-
even it has its importance
and rightful place in the day.
 
He did not say, "You will never have a rough passage,
you will never be overstrained
you will never feel uncomfortable
but he did say, "You will never be overcome."
Julian of Norwich
 

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