Plumb - Need You Now (Official Music Video)

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

 

In the beginning of my journey 4 1/2 months ago, this was a song of desperation.  I didn't plan this journey, I didn't want this journey and I couldn't imagine why in the world I was chosen to walk this path.  As time progressed this song wasn't on the "favorites playlist" and I found more songs to uplift my broken spirit.  But today, it is appropriate because of what God is teaching me.

 

This morning I was reading the Beatitudes from Matthew 5:3.  It says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God."  In the text I read it defined being "blessed" as being "joyful".  So, "joyful are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  Joyful?  Really?  What we learn throughout our lives is that the closer we grow to Jesus, the greater we sense our need for Him.  Sounds true enough.  My devotional, Gods Best for my Life, goes on to say, "We know that we are distant when we begin to feel self-sufficient.  Self-complacency is a sure sign of spiritual paralysis.  to know one's absolute dependence on Christ for his life, love, hope, power, insight, discernment, wisdom, courage and strategy is to know creative spiritual poverty."

 

We have to see our own poverty.  Sometimes God can show  us this in small ways but other times it takes life altering experiences to bring us to the point where we see our need.  A time when we can't rely on ourselves to get us out of the mess we are in.  That is tough stuff because we are raised in a world that teaches us to be independent.  "I can handle this."  "I got this."  "If I just work harder and smarter."  Been there.  Done that.  Got the t-shirt.  I have lived the majority of my life on my own.  My mom, and both grandmothers taught me to be a strong independent woman.  Not that it is a bad thing... we all need to be assured we can make life decisions.  Where it gets slippery is when we make those decisions without consulting our Creator, the one who sees the bigger picture. 

 

Here is another kicker, Jesus Calling, talked about trusting God and not being afraid today.  It said, "A battle for control of your mind is fierce and years of worry have made you vulnerable to the enemy.  Do not despise your weakness in yourself, since I am using it to draw you closer to Me.  Your constant need for me creates an intimacy that is well worth all the effort.  You are not alone in this struggle for your mind." 

 

Romans 8:6 says,

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death,

but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

 

Even though this is a song of desperation and sadness, it is also a song of joy and hope to those who are walking an unfamiliar road.  Is it where I thought life would be in June 2014?  No.  Is it where I ever imagined I life would take me?  No.  Am I joyful as I travel? Not always.  But would I trade it?  No!!!  I have learned more about God's grace and strength than I would have EVER learned if I was walking on my self-sufficient road.  I am learning to treat myself with gentleness and compassion. 

 

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?

(at least 10x per day over the past 4 months.)
 And how many times have you given me strength?

(same amount of times,

God has provided what I needed precisely when I need it. 

He's kind of awesome like that.)

 

I hope I never go back to "not needing" Him.  I hope this journey is just a beginning of a life filled with reliance on Christ in the mountain tops and the valleys we call LIFE.