Six years ago today, June 5, 2008, my world forever changed. One family placement for 4 months, 6 months at a shelter and finally Peanut came to live with me. I had the unique opportunity to meet her a couple of weeks before she was moved into my home. To say I fell in love with her would be an understatement. As she climbed out of that state licensed van and held her workers hand, I knew she was my kid: skinny beyond belief, blonde hair with the cutest bifocals, shiny braces, blue eyes... and shy... so shy. She wouldn't tell me what size clothing she wore. She was afraid to order food, to eat and quickly left the table to play in the fun zone.
But I knew, I knew she was the one my heart had waited for. I knew she would be challenging because of her past. I knew there was a rock solid wall around her heart. I knew all of these things but I loved her anyway. As we laid in bed that first night after prayers, some of her wall melted. She shared her past, she shared her present and she shared her future. Never did I ever think I would be a significant part of her future.
Fast forward to November 2011. Another bright day in our lives... adoption day. In September, when it became obvious that adoption would be her plan, I signed up. I didn't question, I didn't doubt. I took a stand. After a year of trainings and planning, we went to court. As I sat on that stand, I cried.... not your quiet tears that roll down your cheeks but sobbing... She was going to be mine. She was going to have the name we had chosen. She had a forever family.
We have had many songs over our 6 years together. And forgive me for this post being soooo long but we are talking 6 years here.
The first song, Peanut fell in love with. She chose this song, not me. She told me that it reminded her that she hadn't been alone when she was in her real home. She wasn't alone when she was in the shelter and she wasn't alone now. She was even brave enough to sing this song in our foster care talent show.
You can't have a female child in the early 2000's without having a Disney song. But this blog wouldn't be complete without these lyrics.
The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,
The Climb was significant in year two of foster care. It was evident at that point that her mom wouldn't be able to assume her parental role. She had too much to work on. This was a dark time for Peanut. She doubted God. She put a lot of faith in her strength and her ability until one night, she broke down. She asked me why me? tearfully I didn't have an answer. All I knew was that God was going to make life good. There would be a time when she would help someone else. There would be a time when beauty would come from this heartache.
Finally there was a song that cemented our relationship...
It was on her celebration CD we gave to those who celebrated her adoption.
"When love takes you home and says you belong here.
The loneliness ends and a new life begins.
When love takes you in."
So today, we celebrate God bringing together two imperfect people. Two people who drive each other crazy... totally crazy. But two people that needed each other then and have needed each other more in every passing day. I can honestly say, with out my Peanut, I would not have survived the last 5 months. She has been the reason I have pressed on. Being her mom is tough, yes, but it is the most precious thing in my life.
Happy Gotcha Day sweetheart.
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