Needtobreathe - "Multiplied" (unofficial lyric video)

Take my eyes off of myself, my problems, my sorrows, my pain and focus on Him.  I tried that today and it made life a bit more bearable.  Not that there weren't tears but there wasn't the devastation.  Find the beauty in each day.  Look at this video... don't just skim over it because you are in a hurry.  Find the beauty in the water moving along.  Take my eyes and focus them on Him.  Celebrate His masterpiece, His creation.  If the water, the birds, and the fish can celebrate their creator, I can surely do the same.  Thank you God for the beauty around me and help me to notice it in my surroundings- in nature, in music and in relationships. 

Psalm 121 - Susan Ashton

This song has a bit of history for me personally.  It goes all the way back to 1995, my junior year of college.  In 1995, my devotional reading of choice was My Utmost for His Highest.  Somewhere close to that time, they made a CD that went along with some of the central themes of the devotional.  I had felt the Lord calling me to overseas summer missions since the fall of 1995.  As I completed the application I had to list my top three choices.  There were as follows: Cyprus, Ghana, and the last on the list of possibilities- Zimbabwe.  When my acceptance letter came, I had to go to the school library to see where Zimbabwe was.  I didn't even know it was on the continent of Africa.  That was where the Lord led me that summer. 

In summer 1996, we made mixed tapes and this was on one of 2 tapes I took with me on my missions trip to Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.  I was so nervous about leaving everything I knew and loved to serve children and families on the other side of the world.  God, in his wisdom, used this Psalm over and over again.  It seemed to show up in trainings, in letters from home, in devotional readings and on my mixed tape.  I can remember breathing in its words as we drove through military barricades to get to our Bible study homes.  I can remember whispering it as I went to sleep in tears because I missed my family so terribly.  And I remember reciting it with great sadness as I left Zimbabwe knowing I wouldn't see those people again, this side of heaven. 

Fast forward to today, 2014, almost 20 years later.  The words came to me again this morning.  It was a quiet reminder that He is with me.  He is my helper, my guide and my protector.  The best words of Psalm 121 are, "now and forevermore". 

He's not going anywhere. 

Jesus Culture-My Soul Longs For You.wmv

Psalm 143

English Standard Version (ESV)

My Soul Thirsts for You

A Psalm of David.

143 Hear my prayer, O Lord;
    give ear to my pleas for mercy!
    In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
² Enter not into judgment with your servant,
    for no one living is righteous before you.

³ For the enemy has pursued my soul;
    he has crushed my life to the ground;
    he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
⁴ Therefore my spirit faints within me;
    my heart within me is appalled.

⁵ I remember the days of old;
    I meditate on all that you have done;
    I ponder the work of your hands.
⁶ I stretch out my hands to you;
    my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah

⁷ Answer me quickly, O Lord!
    My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
    lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
⁸ Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
    for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
    for to you I lift up my soul.

⁹ Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
    I have fled to you for refuge.^[a]
10 Teach me to do your will,
    for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
    on level ground!

¹¹ For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
    In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
¹² And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies,
    and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,
    for I am your servant.

 

 

Tim Mcgraw - Let it Go

"Let It Go"

I've been caught sideways out here on the crossroads
Trying to buy back the pieces I lost of my soul
It's hard when the devil won't get off your back
It's like carrying around the past in a hundred pound sack

Today I'm gonna keep on walking
I'm gonna hold my head up high
I'm gonna leave it all behind
Today I'm gonna stand out in the rain
Let it wash it all away Yeah wash it all away
I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah
I'm gonna let it go Oh yeah

Skeletons and Ghosts are hiding in the shadows
Threatening me with all the things that they know
Choices and mistakes, they all know my name
But I'm through holding in and holding onto all that pain

 I know I know I know I've been forgiven
I know I know I know I'm gonna start living

 

 

This week has been one of struggle... letting go, trying to figure it out.  Tonight after hanging out with my gal pals, I realized that maybe I was pushing it too far.  Maybe I don't have to know the answer RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.  Maybe forgiveness and grace- given to myself by God and given to others- comes quietly, like in gentle rain.  The first verse of this song is what immediately caught my attention.  How many times have I felt that sack of past sins being heaped back upon my shoulders? 

 

The real clincher- the real piece of this story is when McGraw says,

"Choices and mistakes, they all know my name.  But I'm through holding in and holding onto all that pain." 

 

Tonight I am through.  I choose to go to sleep tonight knowing that I am not my past mistakes.  I can quit holding in and holding onto the pain that has collected in my life over the past few months. 

 

I have a feeling in letting it all go right before bed, I may actually rest tonight.  What about you guys?  Are you holding onto stuff that you don't know how to let go of?  or are you holding onto stuff that you aren't ready to let go of?  Maybe open your clinched hand just a bit to feel the freedom of letting it go. 

Reason to Sing - All Sons and Daughters w/ Lyrics

Do you ever feel like this song, and just want the answers? 

If there is victory, can you show it to me, Please? 

Are you still there, holding the world in your hands?

Why can't I feel you right now?

How much longer do I have to wait Lord?

If we are being truthful in our hearts, YES we have felt this at one time or another.  Maybe God has taken something precious and we don't understand why.  Maybe God feels silent and it is heart breaking for us.  Maybe we are waiting... tired of waiting... ready to move on... yet still waiting.
Maybe we feel hopeless and are  just about ready to "let go"... 

A book I am reading by Paul Miller, A Praying Life, and for me it seems to shed some light on this:

The Praying Life... Becomes aware of the story
"If God is sovereign, then he is in control of all the details of my life.  If he is loving, then he is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good.  If he is all wise, then he's not going to do everything I want because I don't know what I need.  IF he is patient, then he is going to take time to do all this.  When we put all these things together- God's sovereignty, love, wisdom and patience- we have a divine story.  People often talk about prayer as if it is disconnected from what God is doing in their lives.  But we are actors in his drama, listening for our lines, quieting our hearts so we can hear the voice of the Playwright.  You can't have a good story without tension and conflict, without things going wrong.  Unanswered prayers create some of the tensions in the story God is weaving in our lives.  When we realize this, we want to know what God is doing.  What pattern is God weaving?"

Draw Me Nearer - Meredith Andrews

"Remember you are on a journey with me.  When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant companion who sustains you moment by moment.  As you gaze anxiously into the distance you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours.  How foolish you are, My Child."

"In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in it's fullness
Lasting hope for all who come"

"I find rest in God, only He gives me hope."  -Psalm 62:5

"Pray continually and give thanks whatever happens."  -1 Thes 5:17

 

The Struggle Lyric Video by Tenth Avenue North - a Chalk Animation lyric...

There's a wreckage, there's a fire
There's a weakness in my love
There's a hunger I can't control
Lord, I falter and I fall down
Then I hold on to chains You broke
When You came and saved my soul. Save my soul

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
Children, drop your chains and sing

So, why, Lord, do I still fail,
Do I wear thin?
Why do I still give in to temptation?
On my own, I am bankrupt,
I don't trust You or take You at Your word
What You've promised, yeah.

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
Children, drop your chains and sing

Hallelujah,
Death is overcome and we are breathing
Hallelujah,
Our stone hearts become flesh that's beating
Hallelujah,
Chains have been undone and we are singing
Hallelujah,
The fire has begun. Can you feel it?

I have found myself holding onto the old chains this week... the chains of perfectionism; the chains of performance; the chains of figuring it out on my own; the chains of my own timelines; the chains of guilt and shame; the chains of loneliness and so on.  But this song gives me hope. 

I am free.  God has made me free.  I am struggling with my new found freedom in grace and not struggling to be free.  Through Jesus I am already free.  FREE... FREE.  I can let go of my chains and live as a child of a king... THE KING. 

After 4 days of utter despair, I hope to claim this promise today.  I am free.  All these chains can be set free. Maybe I can let go of all of them at once, or maybe just one at a time.  No matter what, I am going to let go and rejoice as I experience the freedom and fullness of what Christ did for me on the Cross. 

Hallelujah!!!

Casting Crowns-"Praise You In This Storm" (live)

Sometimes He calms the storms in our lives and sometimes He rides the storms with us...

"Lord, remember my suffering and my misery, my sorrow and trouble.  Please remember me and think about me. But I have hope when I think about this:

The Lord's love never ends, his mercies never stop.  They are new every morning.  Lord your loyalty is great.  I say to myself, "The Lord is mine, so I hope in Him.  The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, to those who seek Him.  It is good to wait quietly for the Lord to save." 

Lamentations 3:19-26

 

It is so easy to get "trapped in despair", to not feel God or see his Presence.  I know He is there.  I know He is in the storm, He caused the storm and He is riding it out with me.  But sometimes, it feels lonely. This song talks about mercy. 

 

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Help Me Find It - Sidewalk Prophets with Lyrics

Read as if these words are being spoken to us by our loving Father:

"I know those moods when you sit there utterly alone, pining, eaten up with unhappiness, in a pure state of grief.  You don't move towards me but desperately imagine that everything you have ever done  has been utterly lost and forgotten.  This near-despair and self-pity are actually a form of pride.  What you think was a state of absolute security from which you've fallen was really trusting too much in your own strength and ability..... what really ails you is that things simply haven't happened as you expected and wanted.
In fact, I don't want you to rely on your own strength and abilities and plans, but to distrust them and to distrust yourself, and to trust me and no one and nothing else.  As long as you rely entirely on yourself, you are bound to come to grief.  You still have a most important lesson to learn: your own strength will no more help you to stand upright than propping yourself up on a broken reed.  You must not despair of me.   You may hope and trust in me absolutely.  My mercy is infinite."

A Letter from Jesus Christ, John of Landsburg.

Shane and Shane My Grace is Sufficient lyrics

There are times in our lives where we find ourselves truly helpless and alone.  Sure we are surrounded by loved ones cheering us on, or people who say they are praying for us, but late at night... we are alone.  There are times when we could change our circumstances if we could.  Trust me, my life would be different right now.  But God is teaching me about being helpless.  It is only when I am in this state of utter desperation that I see my need for Him.  I think this song really articulates this concept.  No matter what life is throwing your way this afternoon, listen to Him.  Hear him saying,

My Grace.

My Grace.

My Grace is sufficient.

 

He is truly all we need in this life. 

Hillsong Live - Christ Is Enough (Live Acoustic)

We are on vacation this week.  Who knew a week out of town could be just what Peanut and I needed.  Today as I watched her play in the pool, the words to the refrain of this song came into my heart.  I had to share it with you. 

I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back
No turning back

The cross before me
The world behind me
No turning back
No turning back

 

I wish the other words of this song could be as firm in my heart as the refrain.  You see, I decided to follow Jesus many many many years ago.  But truly living, day to day in the truth that Christ is enough for me... That is a little more challenging.

 

Christ is my reward
And all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy

 Through every trial
My soul will sing
No turning back
I've been set free

 Christ is enough for me
Christ is enough for me
Everything I need is in You
Everything I need

 Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
And this hope will never fail
Heaven is our home

 Through every storm
My soul will sing
Jesus is here
To God be the glory

Mandisa - What Scars Are For (Lyric Video)

I am reading a book called, A Loving Life, by Paul Miller.  I haven't read the entire thing but I am to the point where I have to write about it to secure its contents in my own heart.  The general idea of the book is the story of Ruth and Naomi.  The book takes us on the journey of Ruth and Naomi traveling back to Bethlehem after Naomi's husband and sons die.  Ruth is committed to Naomi.  Ruth will become God's hands and feet of love and mercy to Naomi despite her bitterness. 

Today my heart relates to Naomi. 

She aches. 

She hurts. 

She believes in Yahweh- God.

She believes that God is all powerful.

She believes that God is good.   

She struggles with a God who is truly powerful and perfectly good.

How could her life come to such an end?

 

"Naomi's feels anguish precisely because she believes God is the one who is in control."  "A lament grieves that the world is unbalanced.  It grieves the gap between reality and God's promises.  It believes in a God who is there, who can act in time and space."  Naomi loves her God and trusts her God yet doesn't understand how her God could allow this loss, this devastation enter into her world. 

 

Mr. Miller says that Naomi's raw emotion would make most of us very uncomfortable. When tragedy happens in someone's life, our first instinct is to remind others, "God is in control," "Have faith".  But there are times in life when words don't matter.  I remember it all to well.  I remember sitting in a room full of people in complete silence.  All you could hear were my sniffling tears and later my deep sobs as I cried out to God.  No one in our close knit group knew what to say that wouldn't sound, "cliché" or insincere.  So what did those people do?  These people, my faith family, sat close by and wept with me.  They rubbed my back, handed me tissues and wept alongside me.  They didn't have to have an answer.  I didn't need answers this side of heaven.  Only God could tell me why this was truly happening to me.  I can relate to Naomi. 

 

I know how God restores Naomi in the end.  I know that in the end, her greatest grandson, Jesus, comes to redeem all of us.  That is why I chose this song.  It is a reminder that our scars- those things that have brought us grief or pain- are those things that God uses to remind us of His power and His goodness.  No matter where we are in life we can rest assured God is good and He is all powerful. 

 



All Sons & Daughters - Give Me Jesus

"Christ stands by our side when we become sensitive to the need of the world and our part in it.  When we become comfortable in any other security than Him, He unsettles us with His disturbing exposure of what life was truly meant to be.  Our own judgement of our needs is often wrong.  When we think we need comforting, He often comes to us with a disturbing challenge which gets us on our feet.  Then, too, when we do not know our need for fortification He builds us up in love to face some imminent difficulty we mush go through.  The good news is He stands beside us.  He comforts us by helping us to get perspective on what we face to see what He is teaching us in it, to learn what He can do with a life full surrendered to Him and to experience the power of his sustaining power."

God's Best for my Life

 

As I become more acutely aware of my world and those who live in it, I am learning one lesson.  I have blogged about it over and over for the past 5 months.  I have yet to master it.

And that lesson is that

 

anytime I put my security in anything other than Jesus, it ends in disaster. 

 

But what amazes me is the persistence of our God.  He is always there, cheering us on.  He knows what we need more than we do... He knows when we need comfort and understanding.  He knows when we need a swift kick in the pants to get ourselves motivated and moving.  He knows when we need to feel the loneliness, the total loneliness so that we can rely on Him rather than looking to others to satisfy that need. 

 

        In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus

Oh, When I am alone
Oh, When I am alone
Oh, when I am alone
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus

 

Will I ever learn that Jesus is all I need? 

As a college friend used to say,

the Gospel is the good stuff, the rest is just gravy. 

Plumb - Need You Now (Official Music Video)

How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this?"
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

 

In the beginning of my journey 4 1/2 months ago, this was a song of desperation.  I didn't plan this journey, I didn't want this journey and I couldn't imagine why in the world I was chosen to walk this path.  As time progressed this song wasn't on the "favorites playlist" and I found more songs to uplift my broken spirit.  But today, it is appropriate because of what God is teaching me.

 

This morning I was reading the Beatitudes from Matthew 5:3.  It says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God."  In the text I read it defined being "blessed" as being "joyful".  So, "joyful are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  Joyful?  Really?  What we learn throughout our lives is that the closer we grow to Jesus, the greater we sense our need for Him.  Sounds true enough.  My devotional, Gods Best for my Life, goes on to say, "We know that we are distant when we begin to feel self-sufficient.  Self-complacency is a sure sign of spiritual paralysis.  to know one's absolute dependence on Christ for his life, love, hope, power, insight, discernment, wisdom, courage and strategy is to know creative spiritual poverty."

 

We have to see our own poverty.  Sometimes God can show  us this in small ways but other times it takes life altering experiences to bring us to the point where we see our need.  A time when we can't rely on ourselves to get us out of the mess we are in.  That is tough stuff because we are raised in a world that teaches us to be independent.  "I can handle this."  "I got this."  "If I just work harder and smarter."  Been there.  Done that.  Got the t-shirt.  I have lived the majority of my life on my own.  My mom, and both grandmothers taught me to be a strong independent woman.  Not that it is a bad thing... we all need to be assured we can make life decisions.  Where it gets slippery is when we make those decisions without consulting our Creator, the one who sees the bigger picture. 

 

Here is another kicker, Jesus Calling, talked about trusting God and not being afraid today.  It said, "A battle for control of your mind is fierce and years of worry have made you vulnerable to the enemy.  Do not despise your weakness in yourself, since I am using it to draw you closer to Me.  Your constant need for me creates an intimacy that is well worth all the effort.  You are not alone in this struggle for your mind." 

 

Romans 8:6 says,

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death,

but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

 

Even though this is a song of desperation and sadness, it is also a song of joy and hope to those who are walking an unfamiliar road.  Is it where I thought life would be in June 2014?  No.  Is it where I ever imagined I life would take me?  No.  Am I joyful as I travel? Not always.  But would I trade it?  No!!!  I have learned more about God's grace and strength than I would have EVER learned if I was walking on my self-sufficient road.  I am learning to treat myself with gentleness and compassion. 

 

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?

(at least 10x per day over the past 4 months.)
 And how many times have you given me strength?

(same amount of times,

God has provided what I needed precisely when I need it. 

He's kind of awesome like that.)

 

I hope I never go back to "not needing" Him.  I hope this journey is just a beginning of a life filled with reliance on Christ in the mountain tops and the valleys we call LIFE.  



Sanctus Real - Pray

"Pray"

I bow my head to pray, I don't know what to say
I'm not sure how to fix the things I'm dealing with
I'm in a desperate place, I need to share the weight
But I just don't know how, to let it all pour out
Though I'm silent, my heart is crying
Cause I was made to come to You

So I pray
God I need You more than words can say
Right here in this moment
You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray

I failed to find the time, but You've been calling out
I let the days go by as if I could live without
But it's gotta be here now, I won't be pulled away
Cause it's just You and I, so let the world around us fade

As I pray
God I need You more than words can say
Right here in this moment
You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray
I'm gonna pray

(Father)
Will You meet me here right now?
(Father)
I surrender, lay it down
(Father)
And every time I close my eyes
I know that I was made
To lift my hands and pray
I lift my hands and pray

You know my heart, You know my need
And every single part of me
So even if it's just to speak Your name
I'm gonna pray
I'm gonna pray

You know my heart, You know my need
You know every part of me
More than words, You are my life

 

Jesus knows when a request comes to Him from the heart.  He has been waiting all along for us to bring our needy selves to him and receive from him that eternal water.- Doris Gailey

Often I have made a request of God with earnest pleadings even backed up with Scripture, only to have Him say, "no" because he had something better in store.  Ruth Bell Graham

Hear my cry for help, my King and my God.  For to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.  Psalm 5:2-3

There is no mode of life in the world more pleasing and more full of delight than continual conversations with God.  Brother Lawrence

Prayer changes things, but it also changes us.  In the very act of prayer, we open ourselves to the will of another- God.  Gloria Gaither

People who pray are no more saints than the rest of us.  Rather, they are people who want to share a life with God, to love and be loved, to speak and to listen, to work and to be at rest in the presence of God.  Roberta Bondi

Casting Crowns - Prayer For A Friend

Can't someone else do it, Lord?  I don't want to pray for him.  Its more comfortable to my heart for me to stay mad and bitter at him.  I guess I'm not ready to let it go.., but everywhere I've been reading and in each conversation I have had, I've come to the same conclusion, I am called to pray. 

I feel like Jonah when God called him to go to Nineveh. "No, No, I won't go." 

I feel like my 4 year old nephew who says, "I don't want to and you can't make me." 

I feel like my 14 year old who rationalizes saying, "but you don't know how they treated me." 

I reach out for others to pray for this friend. 

But I don't share the responsibility in praying for him.

In my morning devotion, God's Best for you Life, it said:  Geography makes no difference for the prayer of faith, nor the psychological distance of any consequence... others with whom we are present can be so distant in their defensiveness that it is difficult to break through their barriers.  BUT we can pray and know that God is at work.  We can participate with Him in the release of His amazing resources in their lives if we pray.  When we pray in faith we can thank God repeatedly that He has heard and be assured that He will answer according to His will and in a way that brings ultimate good for the person we have prayed...  The Lord has heard.  His power is being released.  Our job is to pray in faith; God's job is to intervene.  If we do our job, we can trust He will do his."

In another book I am reading, A Praying Life, the author talks about how we often come to God in prayer.  He says, Jesus wants us to be without pretense when we come to him in prayer.  Instead we often try to be something we aren't.  The difficulty of coming as we are is that we are messy.  Nothing exposes our selfishness and spiritual powerlessness like prayer.  Don't try to get the prayer right: just tell God where you are and what's on your mind.   The only way to come to God is by taking off any spiritual mask.  The real you has to meet the real God.  Jesus didn't come for the righteous.  He came for the sinners.  All of us qualify.  The very things we try to get rid of- our weariness, our distractedness, (our complaining), our messiness-are what get us in the front door. 

This person will never be in our home or our lives again but that doesn't mean I shouldn't pray for him.  No matter the pain I feel, I should come to God with the mask off and pray for my friend.  I know God loves him and desires a restored relationship with him.  So today, I will pray for him.  I will pray for his safety.  I will pray for his heart to be softened so he can see the hope we have in Christ.  I pray that this time of struggle, isolation and fear will draw him closer to God's heart. I will pray that God will surround him with people in his life who can point him to the cross.  I hope he will see his own sinfulness and turn from it.  I pray that the people who are in his path will speak truth- with boldness, with love and with firmness. 

Will you join me in praying? 

Will you encourage me to continue to pray,

even when I don't want to? 

even when I don't see the results of these prayers? 

If know anything about God,

He is at work around us and in us. 

Meredith Andrews, Miley Cyrus and Stephen Curtis Chapman all in one...

Six years ago today, June 5, 2008, my world forever changed. One family placement for 4 months, 6 months at a shelter and finally Peanut came to live with me.  I had the unique opportunity to meet her a couple of weeks before she was moved into my home.  To say I fell in love with her would be an understatement.  As she climbed out of that state licensed van and held her workers hand, I knew she was my kid: skinny beyond belief, blonde hair with the cutest bifocals, shiny braces, blue eyes... and shy... so shy.  She wouldn't tell me what size clothing she wore.  She was afraid to order food, to eat and quickly left the table to play in the fun zone. 

 

But I knew, I knew she was the one my heart had waited for.  I knew she would be challenging because of her past.  I knew there was a rock solid wall around her heart.  I knew all of these things but I loved her anyway.  As we laid in bed that first night after prayers, some of her wall melted. She shared her past, she shared her present and she shared her future.  Never did I ever think I would be a significant part of her future. 

 

Fast forward to November 2011.  Another bright day in our lives... adoption day.  In September, when it became obvious that adoption would be her plan, I signed up.  I didn't question, I didn't doubt.  I took a stand.  After a year of trainings and planning, we went to court.  As I sat on that stand, I cried.... not your quiet tears that roll down your cheeks but sobbing... She was going to be mine.   She was going to have the name we had chosen.  She had a forever family.   

 

We have had many songs over our 6 years together.  And forgive me for this post being soooo long but we are talking 6 years here. 

 

The first song, Peanut fell in love with.  She chose this song, not me.  She told me that it reminded her that she hadn't been alone when she was in her real home.  She wasn't alone when she was in the shelter and she wasn't alone now.  She was even brave enough to sing this song in our foster care talent show. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXPGtoYm_mg&feature=player_detailpage

 

You can't have a female child in the early 2000's without having a Disney song.  But this blog wouldn't be complete without these lyrics. 

 

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on,

 

The Climb was significant in year two of foster care.  It was evident at that point that her mom wouldn't be able to assume her parental role.  She had too much to work on.  This was a dark time for Peanut.  She doubted God.  She put a lot of faith in her strength and her ability until one night, she broke down.  She asked me why me?  tearfully I didn't have an answer.  All I knew was that God was going to make life good.  There would be a time when she would help someone else.  There would be a time when beauty would come from this heartache. 

 



Finally there was a song that cemented our relationship... 

It was on her celebration CD we gave to those who celebrated her adoption. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjPjooroP4Y

 

"When love takes you home and says you belong here. 

The loneliness ends and a new life begins.



When love takes you in."

 

So today, we celebrate God bringing together two imperfect people.  Two people who drive each other crazy... totally crazy.  But two people that needed each other then and have needed each other more in every passing day.  I can honestly say, with out my Peanut, I would not have survived the last 5 months.  She has been the reason I have pressed on.  Being her mom is tough, yes, but it is the most precious thing in my life. 

Happy Gotcha Day sweetheart. 

 

Hillsong UNITED - Stay And Wait ( ZION Acoustic Sessions )

I wasn't sure what this week would be like.  My first week with no routine.  No places to be, no scheduled people to see, no daughter during school hours.  How in the world would I keep busy. But then I realized that maybe keeping busy wasn't such a good thing.  Maybe this was a gift, a special time for me to just "be."

So this week, after Peanut has gotten off to school, I have made time to spend quietly with God.  Typically with a second cup of coffee in hand, I run to the porch to meet God.  This has been a sweet time with Him.  It hasn't felt rushed, or mandatory, but just a time to refocus on life and what is important.  This song was found during that time.  I love the following lyrics:

Who breathed me out of dust to life

With the will to trust or run and hide

God gave me the freedom to run and hide from my current life situation

or to stand firm in Him.  He created me with that choice. 

I choose to stay and trust. 

 

 Who loved me through my rebel way

Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breaths in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

This one a struggle with... Why would he carry my shame to the cross?

 I've never felt human love anywhere close to that.  And now more than ever

I feel God breathing life into my weary soul all for his glory.

 

 

God of wonder and God of grace
Let my soul stand always to praise You
Fix my eyes on Your perfect way
And I'll never look back

This is the best part, I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus. 

I don't want to look back at the last 5 months or even the last 2 weeks. 

I hoped I have praised God through the tears, anger, and loneliness. 

 It is a work of God's grace.

The following are some quotes and scriptures that I have clung to during this time.  It is hard to be still.  It is hard to wait on God's plan and his timing.  But these seem to help. 

• "Be still and in the quiet moments listen to the voice of your Heavenly Father.  HIs words can renew your spirit... no one knows you and your needs like he does.  Janet Weaver Smith.

• I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world, you will have trouble but take heart!  I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

• As we practice the presence of God, more and more we find ourselves going through the stresses and strains of daily activity with an ease and serenity that amaze even us.... especially us.  Richard J Foster

• Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation.  Psalm 62:5-6

• So wait before the Lord.  Wait in the stillness.  And in that stillness, assurance will come to you.  You will know that you are heard: you will know that your Lord ponders the voice of your humble desires; you will hear the quiet words spoken to you yourself; perhaps to your grateful surprise and refreshment.  Amy Carmichael

• You are my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me... therefore I lovingly embrace everything you say. Psalm 119:144, 119

Center by Charlie Hall

Betsie Ten Boom said, "The center of God's will is our only safety."  She was the sister of Corrie ten Boom.  They spent much of their lives in concentration camps. 

Thomas R Kelly was a Quaker that helped guide others throughout his life during wartime.  He said, "Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power.  It is simple.  It is serene... We need not get frantic.  He is at the helm.  And when our little day is done and we lie down quietly in peace, for all is well."

Another Kelly quote says, "Life is meant to be lived from a Center, a divine Center, a Life who speaks in us and through us to the world.  We have all heard this holy Whisper at times... But too many of us have needed the Voice only at times.... We have not counted this Holy Thing within us to be the most precious thing in the world."

Jean Fleming is an author and inspirational speaker.  She says, "The answer for satisfying living for the Christian lies not in organizing managing or controlling life, but in focusing life... Life simplified where there is one CENTER, one reason  one motivation one direction and purpose. 

The Center, Christ being the Center of our lives.  That is hard.  So many times I get preoccupied in my days... planning how I will spend my time, organizing the activities, seeking out relationships.  In all of this striving I miss the Center- a call to peacefulness, safety, and tranquility. 

Yesterday was no different.  I had a list of "to dos", honestly 7 things were on my list.  I spent time with God first thing-  good idea.  But then I got news... as it typically happens, this threw off my entire day.  All of a sudden I felt lonelieness, fear, and worry.  I had taken my eyes off of my Center and placed them on myself and my struggles.  So I turned to scripture for help.

Philippians 4:6-7, NIV Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

Hebrews 12:2, ESV Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

 

2 Corinthians 4:18, NIV So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

What is seen?  I only see the here and now.  I see my current circumstances.  I only see what is happening.  What is unseen?  God sees the entire picture... from creation to my life, God sees it.  He knows how it is going to play out.   God's presence is here.  God's power is working.  

 

 

Charlie Hall was interviewed about this song,  This is what he said, "It was basically understanding my humanity but still wanting to be a passionate follower of Christ.  I was asking Him "Make yourself my Center and then I'm going to keep trying to wrap my life around You.  Help me- Be right in the middle of me." 

 

 

So rather than focusing my eyes on what I see right now, I want to refocus my eyes to the Center, a God who never sleeps, a God who is always guiding my heart, a God who is working all things together for my good. It's not about what I can do for Him, its about Him calling me to himself.  

 



K-LOVE - "Let Them See You" by JJ Weeks Band LIVE

How many times do I go through life in "performance" mode?

I want to appear strong around others. 

I want to "have it all together." 

I want to excel at being the best Sunday School teacher. 

I want to be the most gracious mom. 

I want to be a good friend and help those in need. 

I want to be a good listener and care for my friends.

I want to be a good daughter and make my parents proud. 

Trying to do all of these things is exhausting.  This song reminds me of what is important.  Its not about appearances.  It's not about "doing" but rather about "being".  Its about letting others see the real you and how God is moving in your life.  Its about getting out of the way and letting God get the glory.

   With every breath I breathe
I sing a simple melody
But I pray they'll hear more than a song
In me, in me

Let them see You
In me
Let them hear You
When I speak
Let them feel You
When I sing
Let them see You