"Hesitate" - Judah & the Lion // Brite Session

Come as you are, bring me your heart my child.

I've waited so long for you to become all mine.

I won't give up till I have all your love.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.  

Come as you are, bring me your heart and find.

I'm all you need, I'm all that satisfies.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.

Don't hesitate when I say... Come away.  

Come away with me, come away and you'll see who you are.

Com away with me, come away and you'll see who you are.  

I found this song several weeks ago.  It came a time when life was an ebb and flow.  (You know the weeks, when you are simply going through the motions.)  I was worried about all the "demands" that I place on myself.  The demands to perform, to be the best parent, to work hard, to be good.    But one night, I felt God's calling.  I didn't know why I was feeling led to turn off the television and just "be."  That was just the beginning of a time of renewal.  I was gently reminded that God doesn't want my "goodness" because its a pitiful offering to Him.  

Rather He wants me...  

He wants to rely on him 

to meet my deepest desires

 rather than on myself who is "duty bound."  

      

So tonight as I fall asleep, 

I hope to wake up in the morning trusting that He is all I need.  

He is the only thing that can satisfy my deepest needs.  

                  

                         

and by realizing that He is the only one who can truly satisfy,
I am giving Him the glory.  That is a much better offering for him.  

Plumb - Exhale (lyrics)

Well, I am able to EXHALE.

It seems selfish but I have a break from parenting.  Peanut is at camp for 3 weeks.  I have needed this break for about a month.  I am able to spend time in fellowship with close friends.  I am able to sit at the coffee shop and write letters.  I am free to get up on my own time table, spend time with God and get started with my day. It seems weird to me that I feel limited to do those things when Peanut is at home.  There is constant tension, which I am learning is common in parenting any teenager.  But I am seeing my limitations through the daily battles... my need for control and her need for independence.

This is what I am trying to learn... God didn't call me to be the perfect parent.  He created me to be the "right" parent for Peanut.  I am the perfect fit for what she needs as long as I am relying on God's strength.  I don't have to be perfect.  I don't have to pretend to be perfect.  I can accept God's grace moment by moment.  I love this song.  

It's okay to not be okay.  

This is a safe place.

This is a safe place.  

Don't be afraid.

Don't be ashamed.  

There is hope here.

There is hope here.

Oh God, we breathe in your grace.

We breathe in your grace.

and exhale.  

I hope during this time of rest, I will engrave these words on my heart.  I pray that as Peanut comes home in a couple of weeks I will have meditated on God's grace and be more willing to offer it to her and even more kind with myself.  

Meant To Be by Steven Curtis Chapman with lyrics

Parenting stinks sometimes.... or most of the time these days.  But more and more I am learning to rest in my Heavenly Father and to leave him with the hard work.  Today is a day of celebration.

Today is Gotcha Day.  A day we celebrate Peanut's arrival at my house.  7 years ago today, I picked up a shy but chatty 8 year old at a shelter to live in my home.  What started out as temporary housing, turned into the creation of a family.

Peanut, I know I haven't shared this blog with you yet... I may never do so.  But you are loved.  All of you is loved.  You were created for a very, very, very special purpose. There is a role in the world that only you can fill.  I have NO idea what role that is but one day you will know how you are supposed to impact our world.
For now my prayer for you is that you find who you are and what you are so desperately looking for in your life.  It is hard to watch you try to fill your life with love by relying on the love of others.  I know the secret... true love, peace and contentment can only be found in our Heavenly Father.  I will be here as much as you will allow me to be.  I will love you through the hard times.  My love may be tough love but it will always be true love, like the love of our Father to us.  You will find the woman you are meant to be.  Keep searching Peanut.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  I know God will reveal himself to you.

This celebration day reminds me of the day Christ made Himself known to me.  The day I was adopted into His family.  The love, affection, peace and contentment I found when He called to me and welcomed me with open arms.  My life was forever changed.  I pray today I will remember the love the Father has freely given to me so that I can in turn love my daughter with only a fraction of that love.

 

Passion - Let It Be Jesus (Live) ft. Christy Nockels

Let it be Jesus

The first name that I call

Let it be Jesus

My song inside the storm

I'll never need another

This week, Jesus' name hasn't been the first thought in my mind nor has it been the first name I have called.  I have struggled with parenting this week. Whoever thought the 2's were terrible had yet to experience the 15's.  I strive so hard to provide my daughter with the life I think she deserves.  I struggle when she doesn't want the blessings of the life I think she deserves.  I want her to want this life more.  I want, I need, I desire, I struggle, I fight and then... I worry.  I get angry.  and even worse, I try to control and manipulate the situation.  This is how I have spent the past week of my life.  The tension is real.  From my constant headache to the tense muscles all down my back, it is a physical tension that I have never experienced.

I was sharing with some friends about our lives this week.  They gently reminded me that God is in control.  One of my favorite devotions this week was found in Heart of the Matter.  It is based on Psalm 26.  It says,

Park your mind on what is true (Phillipians 4:8).  Anxiety is full of lies.  What are some of them?  First, you believe the world needs to be under your control.  Second, you think it is out of control.  And third, you imagine that your worry will get it under control.  But the truth is that this is God's world.  He controls it, and your worry will not change a thing.  So when you are tempted to worry, reject the lie that it is up to you to keep yourself and those you love safe.  

If that isn't food for thought I don't know what is.  God is in control.  He sees the whole picture and I only see this moment's snapshot.  He knows the end of Peanuts story as well as the "in betweens."  I only see what is past and what is lived day by day.  So today, I want this song to be a reflection of my heart.  I want to call out to Jesus whenever I become weary with worry.  I want to demonstrate my love for my daughter by living as a beloved daughter of a far better parent... my Father in Heaven.