Aaron Shust - Watch Over Me (With Lyrics)

An update on a post a few days ago when I was struggling to make a decision...

I was trying to decide whether to move or not and whether to take the plunge into home ownership. The stress was killing me.  I was depressed and panicked.  I didn't sleep and I couldn't keep still.  All my time was spent online looking at houses or meeting with realtors.  Honestly, I lost the last two weeks of my summer.  I could call this time, "my darkest hour."

Do I have a home right now?  Yes.  But now that our journey has shifted, Peanut and I need much less space in a house and a much less house payment.  I have wanted to move since March but I struggled with it.  Those around me told me I would know when the time was right to start looking.  So I waited, and waited and waited.  Finally when God gave me a "green light", I went crazy.  I knew what I wanted, I let others influence my decision, and I looked at things that didn't meet the criteria above- more affordable and less space.  Several times I thought God had worked it out and several times I "felt this house is the one God is going to give me."

Finally last Thursday I let it go.  It was an overwhelmingly emotional time.  I had 3 houses left to look at.  A dear friend from church called me about a meeting at church.  In that conversation, he asked permission to talk to another couple on my behalf who were looking to rent their home soon.  I agreed.  I called the couple later that evening and we scheduled for us to meet on Sunday after church.  Remember this is still Thursday night.  On Friday morning, I followed the lead and let my realtor show me 3 more houses... no, no, and maybe.  But the maybe turned into a no when I learned they wouldn't come down on the price.

Saturday I was a nervous wreck.  We got out of the house and stayed busy.  I had truly let it go.  If God was going to let us move then this rental was our only hope.  Our last option.  It was emotional to know that we might be called to stay in our current home for a bit longer- til Christmas at least.  This was heartbreaking to think about it, but I agreed to be open to it, if it was God's will.

On Sunday as I drove to their home, I heard Oceans by Hillsong United.  It seems to be the background music to my life.  The house was the Lord's provision.  When I let it go, he provided.  It may not be the way I had planned... buying a house, but it was the way he had planned... renting a much smaller home and letting someone else in my church provide for us.  I get teary thinking about it now.  God knew my need yet, until I knew my depravity, he couldn't meet my need.  He lovingly waited for me to surrender so that He could provide.  I can't say, I did anything other than accept his gift.

Romans 8:26-27  "The Spirit helps us with our weakness.  We do not know how to pray as we should but the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain.  God can see what is in people's hearts.  And he knows what is in the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit speaks to God for his people in the way God wants."