I jokingly changed my tag line to this blog. "Hello God, it's me Melissa...again."
If we look back to the beginning of this blog, 2014 my life was hard.
If we look back to the last post in 2017, my life was hard.
Guess what? 2020, my life is hard.
Life can change on a dime. And patterns repeat themselves over and over and over again. I call this season of life round 3. The song I listed in the last post in 2017 is one of the songs keeping me alive right now. In fact, I just sat through a virtual meeting while scribing the following words,
"Oh my soul, you are not alone. There's a place where fear has to face the God you know. One more day, he will make a way.... You're not alone."
Life feels lonely right now. My heart is broken and the world feels dark.
Why don't I blog when I feel hopeful? When life is content and my heart feels secure? Why do I only reach out when life is hard?
A dear friend told me last night that the euphoric seasons of life tend to lose their zest in less than 2 years. Think about it, the excitement of falling in love. The birth of a new baby. The new house purchased. It all seems good for around 2 years.
On the opposite side, grief and the struggles of life typically take 4 years to overcome. YIKES. Our human brain thinks that we will feel better after one year. We hope this is true only to learn that it isn't true. Things may become less difficult but the healing is a much lengthier process. Why don't we own that? Why do we downplay the amount of time grief truly takes? I think its because it is too daunting. The timeline of 1 year or even 2 years feels manageable... but oh my glory, the idea of sitting in grief for 4 years seems impossible. Take me now Jesus.
I don't want to be here. I wasn't given an option in this hurt. The person I cared most about in this world moved on... without even telling me. So here I am at square one... 40 days post break up. 7 days in my new home that feels so barren. 2 days since I talked to my beloved.
Oh dear soul. Hold on!!! You know it will get better. You have walked this road before... you know you can do this. One moment at a time. Just breathe.
No comments:
Post a Comment