I Believe - Holly Starr - Lyrics

A friend gave me a card at church this morning.  It was a pleasant surprise.  When I got home, I read it over and over again.  This is what it read:

You have been on my heart the past couple of weeks and I just wanted to take a moment to not only let you know that, but to keep reminding you of what you know is true but may be fighting to believe at times.

Wow.  That hit the nail on its head.  Often in life, I get bogged down in details... so bogged down that I can bend to despair.  For the past couple of weeks, I have camped out in that desert place.  I know all the right things:

• God is good
• His plan is good
• He will never leave me.
• He will provide
• He will sustain

I know all of these things but my human self is unable to believe them.  I find myself feeling all the opposites of these things that God promises to be.  I had never thought about it being a "fight".  But in the moment I read that card, I understood I have a literal fight going on within me.  Its not fun, and its not pretty but that is what it is: a struggle to lean on my own understanding or to let go and let God.  My sweet friend reminded me on Psalm 34 and its promises.

 

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cries.  Psalm 34:15

The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:17-17 

So tonight, as I sit in solitude, once again trying to figure out the un-settled-ness of my heart, I will cling to these promises.  

How could I forget?

At least a thousand times

You’ve shown through

And pierced the night

I will not despair

When I don’t understand

You love me through every circumstance

And I will not fear

You’ll find me here

I will wait for you

I don't have to have it all figured out.  God has the plan and he is willing to do the fighting for me. just as he was willing to fight the battles of the Old Testament.  He goes to battle for me because he loves me, far more than anyone else could ever love me.  

 

 

Restless-Audrey Assad

Some ladies at our church declared this month "Just say No-vember" much like the men do during "No-shave-vember."  Our thought was to say, "no" to anything that would make us too busy to enjoy spending time with God during this time of year.  Autumn is a special time for us to begin to prepare our hearts for the coming of Christ.  It is full of family gatherings, school concerts and special activities in our community, all of which are good things.  But in the hustle and bustle of the next two months, it easy to say, "yes" to everything rather than focusing on one or two things to really focus on.

So how do you decide where to say, "yes" and where the answer should be, "no"?  

I like this quote:

  

It makes me think that God isn't so concerned about what I say "yes" or "no" to but rather how my soul feels when I am asked.  I have lived a life of overwhelmed schedules and definitely felt the pain that causes not only in my own heart but also in the lives of those around me.  But I've also been an empty schedule that caused the same feelings of emptiness.  

So my plan for the next month or two is to ask a simple question.  "Is this request something that only I can do?"  Can someone else do this and get the same or better result.  For example, most people can keep kids for a mom to grab coffee with another mom.  But there are some children that can only be left with certain caregivers.  If I am one of those few caregivers, then I will be more inclined to say, "yes."  My other question is, "If my daughter is my top priority, how does saying yes or no effect her?"  There are times when she needs me- to transport her to an activity, to be available to talk, to make sure she has eaten healthy food.  Granted, she is 16 and has a life of her own, but as a mother it is my role to balance my activities with her needs.  

This song, I think depicts how I process life this season.  Whether I am busy or not, it is my heart's motive that matters.  If my life is so busy that I fail to see Jesus in the comings and goings, then I need to say "no.".  If my life is so still that I am not reaching others for the gospel, then maybe I have said, "no" too much and need to say, "yes" more.

Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
And I am restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh God
Let me rest in You.

Fall Like the Rain - Citizen Way - with lyrics

How do you deal with disaster?

How do you cope with the pain?

It’s hard to move on with regret

Like an anchor makes you feel like you’re the one to blame

(Verse)

Why is healing so painful?

It feels like I’m losing this war

But I know You’ll be there

As we walk through the struggle

Because You’ve always been there before

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

(Verse)

Though the joy of tomorrow

Seems lost in the pain of today

There is no death, fear or sorrow

That Your love can’t erase

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

(Bridge)

I fall on the grace You have given to us

Rising as conqueror of the grace

Remember forever when we say goodbye

Oh, in Jesus love

(Chorus)

There’s a peace that’s perfect, a hope that is real

There’s a plan and a purpose no matter how you feel

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

Just hold on to the promise that we’ll never be undone

And when you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

When you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

When you fall like the rain, you’re gonna rise like the sun

I’m gonna fall like the rain, so you can rise like the sun

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/citizen-way/fall-like-the-rain-lyrics/#SfPQHhofr7XZG5RL.99

You Make Me Brave - Lyrics - Bethel Music

I recently was given a book entitled, "Let's all be Brave. Living Life with everything you have." its written by Annie F Downs.  If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it.  Its written in a "coffee shop" style blog of Annie's experience with life.  She talks about courage, bravery and putting one foot in front of the other.  It sounds simple but oh how complex it really is.

She starts by telling us that there is that "one thing" that God is calling you to do.  She emphasizes that we already know what this "thing" is but we are hesitant to take the next step.  I immediately knew what my "one thing" is.  I have only spoken it to one friend because it is totally out of my comfort zone.  As I continued to read Annie's book, I realized that my "one thing" is something that God has placed in my life journey even now.  Tonight, God brought me one step closer to my "one thing."  He is calling me to be brave in little ways now so that when the big things come, I won't be so overwhelmed.

This song reminds me of that bravery.  He has given me a desire in my heart and He will equip me each step of the way.  I won't know the complete journey at the beginning because lets face it, I would tuck my tail and run the other way.  (Remember Jonah???)  But the baby steps are much easier to follow.

I had dinner with a group of friends tonight.  My new "young mommy friends" as I call them.  They are young moms who need a break.  Some of us "veteran moms" decided to set aside one night each month for a dinner club.  We meet the second Monday of each month at a little coffee and sandwich shop.  Ladies are invited and we always have a different crowd.  As I looked around the table tonight it struck me that this is a step towards my "one thing" that God is calling me to be brave in.  You see: Two years ago I would have said "no" to dinner with friends.  I would have been the queen of excuses.  One year ago, I was so broken I couldn't see outside my little world.  I clung to safe people for dear life.  Now I am a part of gathering women together to share a meal.  Share a meal... yes, thats all we do.  We share a meal and share our lives with each other.

That is my step... being brave and courageous.  Taking one step at a time.  Where my "one thing" will take me is far beyond my comprehension but it is there.  Step by step, day by day until one day I will find myself in the middle of my "one thing."

Big Daddy Weave - "My Story" (Official Music Video)

We all have our own stories.  

We are all a part of each other's stories.  

Our day to day, 

moment by moment lives, 

make up one story.  

Yesterday I was a part of a focus group in which we learned how to share our stories with others.  My palms started to itch as I listened to the "how tos"  and my heart raced as new friend began to share his story.  As I listened I could hear how God had worked in his life.  I could hear how God is continuing to work in his life.  I could hear his pain, see the struggle in his face and even see the hope in his body language as he shared God's redemptive story.

I have shared my testimony in years past.  It is easy to share the "before I was saved" version of your story. It is pretty surface stuff. (because who would put their "real self" out there for the world to see?!?!)  It is usually tied up with a pretty bow of "after Jesus came into my heart, life has been smooth."

But what about the ugly parts? the sin? the jealousy? 

the pain of broken relationships? addictions? 

What about those nights when you feel so dark and deep that you wonder if morning will come?  

Do people really want to hear that stuff?  (Do I really want to air that dirty laundry?!?!)

I think people go either way when sharing... super spiritual with extra pink fluff or dark and gloomy despair.  As I began to think about my own story, I realized that most people have a life filled with both fluff and despair.  But its how the Savior moves in those places... thats what makes a story.

Sharing my life story is scary.  The past two years have forever altered "who I thought I was."  But in preparing to write my own story to share, I realize that His story hasn't been altered.  He knew from before time began what my role would be in His story.   Wow.

We will see how it feels to write out my story and then we will see if I am brave enough to actually share my story with others.