He Knows My Name (Lyrics) Francesca Battistelli If We're Honest

It is final and official.  I am no longer married.  I ended my marriage and took back my maiden name.  This may not seem a big deal to some and to others it may seem that I abandoned my covenant to God.  In my heart, it has been a real struggle.  A struggle to find my identity in this world.  Yes, I am a mom.  Yes I am an educator, a Christian, a daughter, a sister and a friend... but who am I without my husband, his identifying name attached to mine?  Talk about an identity crisis.  But God already knew my name, both married and unmarried.  Here's what this song says about me...

He calls me chosen, 

free forgiven, 

wanted, 

child of the King.

 His forever...

held in treasure, 

I am loved.

As I continue this path of healing and discovery, I will claim that God has already chosen me.  There is no one that could walk this path for me and only one person, My Heavenly Father, that can walk it with me, so intimately that He knows all that I am- and chooses me anyways.  

I am not alone kari jobe

Yesterday in church we had a guest speaker.  Our church studies a book of the Bible at a time and currently we are going through Revelation... not my favorite book until recently.  Yesterday was the wedding supper.  I gleaned so many tidbits of truth that I had to write them down before I forgot.  Here is what I learned:

1. In our current world, weddings are about the bride.  Everyone watches her with awe as she walks down the aisle in her perfect dress and hair.  Its as if we all stop for a moment and sigh a deep breath in of her beauty.  However in the wedding that will come at the end of time, all eyes will be on the groom... our God who gives himself away to us and clothes us in his righteousness... talk about a perfect moment.  
2. Earlier in Revelation we develop an understanding of God as being just.  It can be unsettling for us to think not only of our own desire for judgement but also how God will judge those we love so dearly.  When we have been hurt, I'm talking deeply wounded, we have a sense of judging that person-whether we are aware or not.  But God takes that responsibility off of us and places it on him.  In his great love for us, he encourages us to let him take on that role so that we don't become burdened down with it all.  
3. And finally something I came to understand but that wasn't directly said in the sermon was that God is the ultimate husband... he stands up for us... he loves us with a perfect love... he encourages us and loves us so much that he offered his ultimate sacrifice.  

In my current life situation- being left by my husband unexpectedly and being blindsided as to the reasons- I can rely on one person to always be faithful.  He will never leave me.  His love is a perfect love that no one else can ever have for me.

That is an incredible comfort to me.  He loves me.  He treasures me above all else.  

Christina Aguilera - Reflection [Lyrics]

I am continuing in my Women's Bible Study, Lord Change my Attitude.  I have mentioned in earlier posts.  This week, we finished learning about the attitude of "covetousness".

Covet: a verb- 

 to yearn to posess;

desire something; 

crave;

want; 

wish

 and the list goes on.  As I began the session last week I thought, "whew, a week where I don't struggle with this attitude."  But as the week went on, I realized how much I do covet... desire... crave... want... wish.  Its not always about the all mighty dollar.  

Most often I crave my agenda.  I feel the need to control my environment, and my precious schedule. You could say I have the "Its my way or the highway" mentality.

I also struggle with my "status" in life.  I need for others to think highly of me as a mom, as a co-teacher; as a friend; and even as a Christian.  I often wear a mask so that people don't see my inner struggle in this area.

My last is probably the most appalling attitude is my yearning to be in control.  I want to control every portion of my life.  This is where God has placed me most vulnerable.  He placed me in a position where all of my control was stripped away.  And honestly, I don't want that control back.  God has proven more than faithful in meeting my need and gone above and beyond to give me my heart's desires... BUT

Part of being in control, craving my own agenda and worrying about my status, puts me in a place where I doubt God's faithfulness.  I know in my head that God will provide but living that out day to day is a different story.  A friend told me tonight that when we don't trust God it is like, "Thank you God for providing me with a wonderful breakfast... but I'm not sure you will provide lunch."  Seriously, if God provided water, manna and quail for the Israelites he will meet my need.  I am also drawn to the following scripture in the New Testament

So my choice of song and the desire of my heart is that I take off the mask and label my attitude for what it truly is... doubt in God's ability to meet my own needs.  I pray that as I begin to trade my attitude of coveting, I will embrace this new attitude of contentment.  God has me right where he wants me and he is faithful... to provide monetarily, to provide relationships and to provide for my needs and wants according to his will.