Life took the living breath out of me again this week. It seems that each time I began to relax, another curve ball is thrown my way. This week, my daughter, my Peanut, ran away from home. I found her luckily and with the help of one of her friends and his grandmother, she arrived at home close to midnight.
I began to think of her past, and honestly I don't know how God can restore this relationship. You see, my Peanut was abused and neglected in some of the most cruel ways. She is broken. We are all broken in this fallen world but she has seen more in her last 14 years than a person could imagine. I realized this week that there is NOTHING I can do to fix this. No amount of grounding or lecturing or anything else that seems suitable as punishment is going to work. She is a broken person and only Jesus can fix her. I have to trust that one day, maybe not until she reaches the pearly gates, she will be healed.
But I struggle... I mean like really struggle with this. What if it isn't until the other side of heaven that she is healed? Do I feel this is a reflection of my poor parenting? Several moms had a conversation this morning about this. When our children ignore us or outright disobey us, it isn't our faults as parents. When we make mistakes, we fess up to them and pray for healing. If we don't confess and seek repentance then we will be lost when the healing doesn't come. But if we have simply loved our children and provided what we feel is best for them, we have to let it go. They were never really ours to begin with.
As I wait for healing for my child, my dearly beloved Peanut, I am reminded of the prophet Jeremiah. As a prophet he endured much physical and emotional abuse. He was imprisoned and lived in isolation because the Israelites didn't want to live life on God's terms. But God was with him.
The Lord is with me as a mighty, awesome one.- Jeremiah 20:11
I am with you... to deliver you.-Jeremiah 1:19
God didn't desert Jeremiah and he will not desert me as I navigate parenting of this teenaged girl. He has sent his Holy Spirit to give me hope, steer me toward the heart of Christ and to pour out God's compassion on our lives when we are ready to give up. I don't know when God will restore Peanut's heart and she will realize that her security can only be found in Him. I pray to see that day. For now, I will try to trust the Good and Faithful One and set my heart on eternity where she will be free from pain of the past and completely healed.
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