Kristian Stanfill - "Always" (with lyrics)

I have had three conversations this week with women whom I trust wholeheartedly to speak truth into my life.  The common thread was,

"Why do you think you need to be perfect?"  

"Why do you have to be so strong?"

"It's ok to be weak, especially after all you are dealing with."

I don't have an answer for those questions but I feel the angst in my heart from trying to be too strong, from trying too hard, from fighting a waging war within myself and with my daughter.  It leaves me utterly exhausted.  I have realized that when I take my eyes off my Savior, my strength is weakened.  It is only when my sole focus is on Him that I find the strength to face each new day. 

After the trauma of the past 8 months you would think I remember to cling to the cross.  Life happens when you aren't paying attention.  God has found a new way to remind me of my need for total dependence on Him.  This new way is in the form of a 14 year old daughter who can be challenging on the best days.  

Satan has also found ways to keep my eyes off of my Lord.  It comes in the way of exhaustion. It is a challenging time of year... going back to school, dealing with new routines and schedules.  Add packing to that list and you can see a bit of where I am coming from. 

It also comes in the way of acceptance.... I am learning to accept my new place in life and for the first time in many months I realize how "alone" I am.  Sure I have friends, but that companionship that we all long for... that promise of forever is gone.  This brings a lot of grief into my life.  

So tonight as I go to sleep I want to focus on the words to this song.   He is my courage and strength and He will NOT delay.   He will come through.  I hope I will find rest in Him alone. 

Most of all I hope I can say:

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
ALWAYS!!!