TobyMac - City On Our Knees (Lyric Video)

I heard this song on the radio this morning.  It was after a powerful Women's Bible Study last night. The kind of Bible Study that leaves you wanting to curl up with your Bible and hear God speak directly to your heart.  The study is Jonah- Navigating a Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer.

She says that when we use the word "interruption" it carries its own negative connotation.  Throughout the introduction she challenged us to change our thought pattern from interruption to intervention.  Though it seems negative in the midst of our interruption, God is up to something and when we look back, we will see that it was a divine intervention rather than something negative.  Sometimes when you are walking in the midst of it, all you see is the brokenness but on the other side there is purpose and it will be significant.

Jonah was a prophet.  But when he heard the word of God, it wasn't something to share with others.  It was a direct command for him to follow.  Needless to say he didn't follow.  (I am sure I will come back to that as the Bible Study goes on.)  But when he finally relented and followed God's leading to Ninevah, many people turned from their sin and turned towards God.  Even the king was saved.  Evidently in history, this was one of the greatest revivals in history because the entire people group surrendered to God's words spoken through Jonah.

Mrs Shirir says, "God often sends us into the hopeless place because its in the hopeless place that we can see the hope of God.  It is a place where we are so lost and so destitute that we know only God can fix it.  I've been there.  In fact, I have been there for more than 7 months.  It is not fun, it is not touchy feely.... it is more like cold or ice, it is miserable.  But coming out of the other side of this hopelessness, you can begin to see fingerprints of God's handiwork.  No, I don't have the answers but in that hopeless place, I learned to trust... to trust the only one who could lift me out of the mire.

This song speaks of Ninevah at about 2 minutes and 45 minutes.  The great Billy Graham talks about the revival that took place due to Jonah's obedience.  I am in no way comparing myself to Jonah, or Billy Graham, but I wonder what my hopeless story can lead someone else to.  Could my story one day help someone else find hope and find the power of the cross?

So am I going "all in" in submission, trust, and blind following of Christ no matter the cost???  Will I take this challenge and begin to view this interruption of life as a significant opportunity of the Divine, my Father in Heaven to intervene in a way like never before?  Will I be so bold?  I guess we will have to see.

Kristian Stanfill - "Always" (with lyrics)

I have had three conversations this week with women whom I trust wholeheartedly to speak truth into my life.  The common thread was,

"Why do you think you need to be perfect?"  

"Why do you have to be so strong?"

"It's ok to be weak, especially after all you are dealing with."

I don't have an answer for those questions but I feel the angst in my heart from trying to be too strong, from trying too hard, from fighting a waging war within myself and with my daughter.  It leaves me utterly exhausted.  I have realized that when I take my eyes off my Savior, my strength is weakened.  It is only when my sole focus is on Him that I find the strength to face each new day. 

After the trauma of the past 8 months you would think I remember to cling to the cross.  Life happens when you aren't paying attention.  God has found a new way to remind me of my need for total dependence on Him.  This new way is in the form of a 14 year old daughter who can be challenging on the best days.  

Satan has also found ways to keep my eyes off of my Lord.  It comes in the way of exhaustion. It is a challenging time of year... going back to school, dealing with new routines and schedules.  Add packing to that list and you can see a bit of where I am coming from. 

It also comes in the way of acceptance.... I am learning to accept my new place in life and for the first time in many months I realize how "alone" I am.  Sure I have friends, but that companionship that we all long for... that promise of forever is gone.  This brings a lot of grief into my life.  

So tonight as I go to sleep I want to focus on the words to this song.   He is my courage and strength and He will NOT delay.   He will come through.  I hope I will find rest in Him alone. 

Most of all I hope I can say:

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord.
ALWAYS!!!