Here by Kari Jobe

It's been a while.  Far too long since my last entry.   Actually its been over a year.  It's not that God hasn't been moving.  But He has been moving in painful ways.  It has led to brokenness and loneliness that I couldn't fathom.  Long story short... I was past my breaking point last fall.  My world was spinning out of control and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.  With the advice of my church leaders, I took a week away to get into God's word and to really search my heart.  I learned a lot about my need for control and even more about letting go.  The first night in my cottage, I sat in the dark on the porch and listened to this song over and over.  I sobbed... I was broken.  I knew I could no longer handle life on my own.  I needed Jesus.  I needed his strength in tangible ways.  During that week, I was able to lay down my burden.

My struggle to be a good parent and to control the choices my daughter was making.  

My burden of depression and how easily I can get overwhelmed.  

My selfish pride that tries to hide the struggle and pain.  

You'll find his peace

and know you're not alone anymore

He is near.

You'll find his healing

Your heart isn't shattered anymore

He is here.

Breathe in

Breathe out

You will find him here.

I found him.  In the darkness, I realized I wasn't alone in this fight. Yes, I had a support system but I had a Savior who wanted to carry my load.  He was there, walking beside me and calling to me to seek him.  

I could say it's been easy since that week in November, but that would be a lie.  It is a weekly struggle to balance caring for my personal needs, taking care of a daughter who "doesn't need me" and trying to find ways to minister to others.