It's confession time... I often expect God to do something in my life- forgive, heal, redeem, bless, protect, etc. But in the next moment, I am not forgiving, kind or helpful to another person. I think it reveals my sinful heart. How can I ask God to overlook one of my faults and not offer the same kindness to someone I love?
I read about this earlier this morning when I was preparing for my day. Paul David Tripp says,
You see, we are all the unjust servant. We celebrate God's mercy but scream at our children when they mess up. We sing of God's amazing grace but punish our spouse with silence when they offend us. We praise God for his love but forsake a friendship because someone has been momentarily disloyal. We are thankful that we've been forgiven but say that a person who is suffering the result of his decisions is "getting what he deserves." We bask in God's grace but throw "the law" at others. We're simply not that good at mercy because we tend to see ourselves as more deserving than the poor and the needy.OUCH. This is me... I have done all of these things... I do some of the things on a daily basis. How can my heart be so cold and calloused?
Matthew 18:21-35 begins with a question asked by Peter, "How many times do I have to forgive?" Jesus shared a story about a king who was trying to settle debts. He went to one of his servants for payment. The servant begged the king to be patient in collecting his debt. The master agreed to be patient with his servant and took it a step further... and erased his debt. As the servant went out, he found someone who owed him money. He demanded the money but when the friend asked for more time, he threw the servant in prison. The by-standers went back to the king and told him what had happened.
Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.
- Matthew 18:32-35 ESV
I've been thinking about this through the day:
How many times do I fail to forgive someone?
Or even if I do forgive them, how many times do I take it back
or continue to hold their offense over them?
The answer is... too many times to count.
Tripp says "when God's call of mercy collides with your lack of mercy, you begin to see yourself with accuracy." The more I see how much God loves me and forgives me, then I can see all the times that I am unable to do the same for others. When I recognize my inability to forgive, then I can call out to God to help me forgive. The amazing part is that it is always "God." God shows me the abundance of love and forgiveness he offers. God shows me my lack of forgiveness in others. God prompts me to ask Him for forgiveness. Then I can begin to rely on his strength to forgive others.
What is my take away? to remember how loved and treasured I am by God... to spend more time with him recognizing my own shortcomings.... and to allow him to forgive others through me.
So, Here's my heart, Lord.
Speak what is true
Cause I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I’m made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free
Cause You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through
