"This is the time in your life when you must learn to let go; of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care."
- Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkpRIx7jMp4
How does an OCD, type A personality learn to let things go? Not very easily. Sometimes letting go is fearful. There are all kinds of fears. As women we worry about what people will think of our messy home, how will they respond when our children are less than gracious, would people really accept us if we were brutally honest about our pain and struggles. What about God? Do we really trust Him enough with our most prized posessions? our relationships? our children? our future? our hopes and dreams?
Letting go can be scary. However it can also be seen as wonderfully liberating. Imagine saying, "I don't want to be in charge anymore and I give you control." Intimidating, frightening- yes. But what a peace that comes with that release.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
How Sweet the Sound- Citzen Way
The Lord is your shepherd, you will not be in want.
He will give you rest in green pastures and lead you by peaceful, still waters,
He will restore your soul (and dry your tears.)
The Lord will guide you in the path of righteousness, for his name's sake.
Even though you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death,
you do not need to fear evil, for God is with you;
His rod of judgment and His staff of protection will be a comfort to you.
He will prepare a an abundant table of blessings before you in the presence of those who come against you.
Your heads (and hearts) will be anointed with the oil of the Holy Spirit;
Your cup will overflow with the joy of his blessing!
Most certainly, goodness and love will follow you all the days of your lives,
And you will dwell in the house of the Lord forever!- an email from Peggy Riddle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXMNzaZgMEM
In this song, the group wants us to know that God is the grace we need as we walk through the dark times in our lives. Sometimes in the brokenness you don't see the goodness of God's grace. God's grace is not something we earn or deserve but it is a gift from God through his son Jesus who paid our debts on the cross. Not only that but He carries us, He comforts us.
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
I hear you singing over me.
My soul was silent but now I'm found
and its a beautiful sound.
You were healing in the pain
you were shelter in the storm
Hallelujah you restored my soul.
I remember hearing the song for the first time in a mall parking lot. I couldn't turn off the car. All I could do was listen and cry. God would restore my soul. He was there with me in the midst of my tragedy. He had already done the work, his blood on Calvary but he was daily restoring my soul. I couldn't see it at the times but He put faithful friends in my life at precisely the right time and they saw it and breathed it into my soul.
To this day, many times, I am silent. I have no words for God in my prayers. I have no words to express the anxiety and depression I feel at this loss in my life. I have no words of comfort for others who are struggling. But sometimes, it not the words that matter but the care we give. The thoughts we share and the glimpses of God's goodness others see as they walk through the valleys with us. We have the ability to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I pray I will one day be able to walk through the valleys of the shadows with someone else knowing that God will help them get through to the other side.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Cornerstone- Hillsong United
"We shall steer safely through every storm, so long as our heart is right, our intention fervent, our courage steadfast, and our trust fixed on God." - St. Francis De Sales
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvLxZEU02uI&list=RDQvLxZEU02uI#t=62
My church is amazing. Each week they choose songs that focus on God's righteousness and our sinfulness. I have learned so much over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been there. God is righteous and holy. We are sinful and dirty. One of our pastor's famous themes is that we are more loved than we could ever imagine and we are more sinful than we could ever imagine. I don't know if I ever believed it until now. I knew I was sinful and without the cross I would be separated from God because of his holiness. But I'm not sure I saw the depth of my sin nor the depth of his love.
When life changed, my heart changed. Not only did I see the sin that grieved God's heart in other people but I began to see my own sinfulness. The ways I had trusted in my own works, my own strength, my own successes as my security. When that is stripped from you, you are forced to take another look: to see what really matters, to see that you need a Savior, to find security outside human relationships.
" When darkness seems to hide His face.
I rest on his unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil.
Christ alone, cornerstone.
weak made strong in the Saviors love
Through the storm, He is Lord.
Lord of all."
This song reminds me that He is Lord even when I can't see or feel Him. He is my strength in my weakness. His anchor is my security.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvLxZEU02uI&list=RDQvLxZEU02uI#t=62
My church is amazing. Each week they choose songs that focus on God's righteousness and our sinfulness. I have learned so much over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been there. God is righteous and holy. We are sinful and dirty. One of our pastor's famous themes is that we are more loved than we could ever imagine and we are more sinful than we could ever imagine. I don't know if I ever believed it until now. I knew I was sinful and without the cross I would be separated from God because of his holiness. But I'm not sure I saw the depth of my sin nor the depth of his love.
When life changed, my heart changed. Not only did I see the sin that grieved God's heart in other people but I began to see my own sinfulness. The ways I had trusted in my own works, my own strength, my own successes as my security. When that is stripped from you, you are forced to take another look: to see what really matters, to see that you need a Savior, to find security outside human relationships.
" When darkness seems to hide His face.
I rest on his unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil.
Christ alone, cornerstone.
weak made strong in the Saviors love
Through the storm, He is Lord.
Lord of all."
This song reminds me that He is Lord even when I can't see or feel Him. He is my strength in my weakness. His anchor is my security.
Broken Hallelujah- The Afters
"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” -Aldous Huxley
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo3DudOzV4k
Sometimes in our brokenness, there really are no words. When you are blindsided by life, there are no words. People rally around you to support you but they don't know what to say. I remember someone saying, "This sucks" as part of a prayer. That first night when the world fell apart around me, when life like I knew it was over... life did suck. There were no words.
"I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down
and I wonder where you are.
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say
but you're the one that can hear my heart.
Even though I don't know what your plan is.
I know you make beauty from these ashes."
In the darkness that was all around me, in the memories I couldn't escape, in the dark nights when my soul was restless, I knew He was there. He was holding me, He was sobbing with me and He was guiding my heart through the depths. I realized quickly, even in the first 48 hours that when I felt abandoned, it was NOTHING compared to what Jesus felt on the cross. God turned his back on Christ because He couldn't look at the imperfections His son took to the cross in my place. In my situation, because of Christ's blood, he didn't have to turn away. He could be in the midst of my pain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo3DudOzV4k
Sometimes in our brokenness, there really are no words. When you are blindsided by life, there are no words. People rally around you to support you but they don't know what to say. I remember someone saying, "This sucks" as part of a prayer. That first night when the world fell apart around me, when life like I knew it was over... life did suck. There were no words.
"I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down
and I wonder where you are.
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say
but you're the one that can hear my heart.
Even though I don't know what your plan is.
I know you make beauty from these ashes."
In the darkness that was all around me, in the memories I couldn't escape, in the dark nights when my soul was restless, I knew He was there. He was holding me, He was sobbing with me and He was guiding my heart through the depths. I realized quickly, even in the first 48 hours that when I felt abandoned, it was NOTHING compared to what Jesus felt on the cross. God turned his back on Christ because He couldn't look at the imperfections His son took to the cross in my place. In my situation, because of Christ's blood, he didn't have to turn away. He could be in the midst of my pain.
What Music is to me
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”- Victor Hugo
Music has always been a part of my life. It speaks to my soul. It resonates with my deepest being. It identifies emotions I don't know that I am feeling. It expresses my deepest hurts, my happiest thoughts and my most sincere prayers. I grew up with music as a part of worship in church. I remember thinking that I was grown up when I could sing words to a song without looking down at a hymnal. I found it easy to memorize things at school when they were put to music. I could memorize scripture when it was put to music. Music was a part of me.
My life forever changed two months ago. Life during that time until now has been full of shock, devastation, tears, fears and loneliness. It is not my intention to share this blog with anyone at this point. My hope is that this blog will keep record of music and its life lessons for me. I do not plan to share the details of what happened two months ago but rather focus on the music and what it taught me through this pain.
I wish I would have started this process earlier but I wasn't ready to "keep a record." Sometimes writing things down is scary because it makes everything real. So here it is... my life seen and felt through music. May it serve its purpose in my own healing.
Music has always been a part of my life. It speaks to my soul. It resonates with my deepest being. It identifies emotions I don't know that I am feeling. It expresses my deepest hurts, my happiest thoughts and my most sincere prayers. I grew up with music as a part of worship in church. I remember thinking that I was grown up when I could sing words to a song without looking down at a hymnal. I found it easy to memorize things at school when they were put to music. I could memorize scripture when it was put to music. Music was a part of me.
My life forever changed two months ago. Life during that time until now has been full of shock, devastation, tears, fears and loneliness. It is not my intention to share this blog with anyone at this point. My hope is that this blog will keep record of music and its life lessons for me. I do not plan to share the details of what happened two months ago but rather focus on the music and what it taught me through this pain.
I wish I would have started this process earlier but I wasn't ready to "keep a record." Sometimes writing things down is scary because it makes everything real. So here it is... my life seen and felt through music. May it serve its purpose in my own healing.
Oceans, where feet may fail- Hillsong United
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” -Maya Angelou
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGRz2BJQRXU
This song became a part of my being in January 2014. I fell in love with it as the year rolled over. I felt that this would be a year of change for me. Little did I know what form this change would take. I remember being "cautious" as I sang the refrain in church.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
My faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."
If I know anything about my God its that when we can sing something wholeheartedly He draws us out to live boldly. When I came to a point where this song was my "song of the year" I knew I would be put to the test. That test came a few weeks later. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe God was preparing to punish me or test me but rather to show my His holiness and my desperate need for a Savior.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGRz2BJQRXU
This song became a part of my being in January 2014. I fell in love with it as the year rolled over. I felt that this would be a year of change for me. Little did I know what form this change would take. I remember being "cautious" as I sang the refrain in church.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
My faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."
If I know anything about my God its that when we can sing something wholeheartedly He draws us out to live boldly. When I came to a point where this song was my "song of the year" I knew I would be put to the test. That test came a few weeks later. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe God was preparing to punish me or test me but rather to show my His holiness and my desperate need for a Savior.
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